Time/Life

Given ten seconds to decide whether to smile or be sad, which will you prefer? Which benefits more? Which feels better?

Everyone who still have their hearts beating right now, no matter how old you are, you have been given until today, and hopefully more to come, to make that choice. Be smart and you'll have a happy heart.

Most claimed that 2010 was a really bad year. I did too, for an instance. Then I decided life is too fun to be sad. People with shattered hearts and dreams really need a lot of growing up to do. Things break to be repaired. Things break to be replaced. Wounds heal. Physical and emotional. Just need to find the suitable medicine. For some it's drugs and alcohol and endless sex. For others, it's time.

For me, it's myself. I choose to not let myself be affected too much with negativity anymore. I choose to always look for better things. I choose to be happy. I choose to spread love. I choose to spread happiness. I choose to love myself more than anyone. I choose whatever that works.

As a reward, or at least this is what I make of it, for my patience and the newly found vicissitude outlook of life, I found someone to share my happiness with. As surreal as my previous relationship was, this easily tops it. This, is epic.

I was foolish and blinded enough to call someone perfect before. So I don't believe in that anymore. But I have to admit the gap between her and perfection is just infinitesimal. Exterior and interior. My life was already going great. She escalates it to celestial and divine.

So lesson learned, your life is whatever you choose to feel. Rule your emotions. Use logic. Fuse your brain with your heart. The fact that you are still breathing, is already enough to be grateful about. So be appreciative, accept things as it is, learn to tolerate, and be content. Complications only arise when you ask for more than what you have.

So keep smiling, give hugs, and spread love.

I'm done.

Afan.

And I'm the one people love to hate.

Rembrandts.

How much do you value relationship amongst people, family, friends, and lover?

I find it funny, that I'm one of the few that does so. But it would all be for nothing. I wish I can implement that thought, the fact that it would not be worth it. This is life. It's rare for humans to see the significance of existence. To appreciate someone, just for being born.

We have no Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad for our time. The tears you see at funerals, accidents, disasters, are just for the moment. My tears will run dry too, but my heart will ache till it stops beating. But that's just me.

Yes I am too nice for my own good. The amount of people I'd jump a bullet for is illogical. Nobody can take that much. But I'll do it because I see life as something money can't buy, but you don't have to. It's there, so I hold on to it dearly. The problem is, I hold on to other's first. Tonight I've learned that only when you treasure something for what it's worth, it would lose its value.

I have tried to not care. I have turned my back. I have walked away. Only for me to recoil, revert and relapse. I can't decide if this is a curse, or a gift. Either way, I am fucked. I have to learn to enjoy the fucking then.

But God is fair, God is just. So naturally, there would be a saving grace despite all of this. His name is Khairul Azim. For now. For now.

There is a doubt now. No matter who you are to me. Because if you are going to fuck me over, make it quick, make it painless. Fuck, make it enjoyable. I bear no grudge, just disappointment.

I'm done.

Afan.

*0 people gave a shit. 195 people didn't know the title is the name of the band that sang F.R.I.E.N.D.S. theme song.

Smile

Then you'll go out in style.

Waking up and knowing that there are people out there, at bliss, makes going through the day a whole lot easier. Happiness is addictive. You can't help but feel the tinge in your face curving your lips when you see someone flashing their pearly whites paired with welcoming eyes. Even for an infinitesimal instance, at least you were able to reduce your stress level. So why don't you keep doing it?

Because hate permeates easier.

We get our chains yanked, so we let loose. We get grazed in the wrong direction, so we bear grudges. We differ in opinions, so I think you're an idiot and does not deserve to breathe the air that I do. In retrospect, you would see that the times you spent listening to the Devil's Instigation could have been put use to and for propitious acts.

Some may take a while, some realize it sooner. The ones that don't, live a restless, haunted life. Then die without peace. Nobody can escape from their own feelings. So wouldn't it be nice if the forgiveness you seek, and offer, during Eid, be carried on to a lifetime? Saying sorry doesn't take much, but the return is hefty.

Burden off. Guilt-free. Sins cleansed. Life ameliorated. Depression erased. Sadness overcame.

As cliche as it may sound, "Why can't we get along?" is a question that you should really ponder from hook, line, and sinker. The answer will be the first step towards your path to happiness.

As for me, I always try to please everyone and everything. Though the methods I use aren't widely accepted and often misconstrued. So I will like to take this opportunity to beg, yes, beg for your forgivenes if there were any animosity conceived by my actions and words. I also hope that by this, you'll have a merry and joyful life. Sincerely.

I'm done.
Afan.

About Her

As my fingers nimbly dance on the claviature, the encephalon orchestrating every delicate move, distributing subtle signals back and forth, you still manage to intercept and squeeze your way in my stream of thoughts. I smile. I know I'm in yours too.

I can't wait for our gaze to meet and time will halt to honour the immaculate feeling that blooms within us at that very moment. With puzzled look on our faces, we make our way closer. Without uttering a single word, we understand. Our eyes are doing all the tête-à-tête. Everything else from that brief encounter would start to fall into place perfectly.

We will make our lives full because we have filled the void that has always been in us before our fate intertwined. We make each other happy just by existing. We make each other smile just by breathing. The only tears that will ever come out from us would be because we laughed too hard. You with your silly jokes that would never get old and my goofiness that leaves you in stitches. We can even laugh at each other. Arguments and fights that we purposely create because we love to test ourselves but you can never keep a straight face and we end up laughing all over again.

There would never be a dull day because you and I just can't stop talking about everything. Always up for something new. Unpredictable as life itself, one day you decide to talk with a Scottish accent, next day we'll be learning how to salsa. Just because we can. You never cease to amaze and surprise because you and I, we grasp the concept of we can do whatever because it's our life.

Still life is life, there would be rough patches and bumps along the way. But we pick ourselves up as fast as we tripped. Hand in hand. You never let anything affect you. For that, from your strength, I find mine.

I tell you I'll climb all the way to the heavens to let God know what a good job He did for creating you. I tell you I'll give you everything of your heart's desire. I tell you I'll pick the brightest star for you to keep. I tell you I'll blow away the clouds that's blocking the sun from shining on you. I tell you I'll protect you from any harm. I tell you I'll-

You'd tell me to shut up.

Because you would tell me that I'm enough. I'm already everything for you. Just like how you are to me. You tell me love should be effortless. That by being yours, is already more than anything that you can ever want or need.

My fingers slows their pace. I'm glad that I thought of you tonight. That's the only place you'll ever be because...

You don't exist.

I'm done.

Afan.

Vida

You run. Convulsing and heaving. Inhale, exhale. Still running. You're not moving even an infinitesimal away from what's chivying. It's vexatious, enervating and debilitating. You try. You will never thrive. Unless you perish. That's the only available method. Only by the Almighty's volition though. Not yours. For that will lead you to another imminent run but an eternity as the limit. Sounds like an easy choice to surmise if ever asked. From experience, it's not.

You hide. You build a fortress. A solitude where you ensconce yourself from everything in hoping nothing can infiltrate or percolate. No luck. It finds a way to permeate any crack once found. Everything then crumbles. Back to square one. What now?

You fight. Gather all your might. Clench your fist. You strike. No avail. It doesn't even flinch. Another strike. It's now laughing. Everything's failing. What now? As stated prior, you can try to run again. Ask yourself, can my legs hold itself? How durable are my lungs? Will my heart beat itself out of my chest?

Am I strong enough?

You're not. Nobody is.

What is that you're running from? What is it that you're trying to hide from? What is it that you're trying to fight?

It's futile. Because it's Life.

Stop. Turn around. Embrace it. The more you run or hide or fight it, the uglier it gets. If you accept it, it will always take you to a place where whenever the sun lays its rays on your face, it's halcyon. The breeze as gentle as a newborn's touch. Even after Life takes you to a chaotic commotion of precipitation. Withal, you can even direct Life to where you want to and it will reach when it's time. All you have to do- all you can do is hold on to it. Have faith and keep the corners of your lips curved upwards.

I'm done.

Afan.

Why?

Answer me.