Suddenly I feel like blogging

10 Things I Don't Hate About You, Actually 12, Or iLove For Short

2011-07-08T05:13:00.002+08:00

I love the first time we said hi. I love how it was hard for us to say goodbye.

I love how our first kiss was not posed. I love how I ended up kissing your nose.

I love how you didn't try to control. I love how I'd still have your hand to hold.

I love how you were always happy, when we text, or on a call. I love how we never fought, not even close, not even at all.

I love how I stopped the tears from your eye. I love how it was still hard for us to say goodbye.

I love how we ended just like we started. I love how nobody was brokenhearted.

I'm done,

Afan.

Wander

2011-07-05T20:15:00.001+08:00

I walked up to pay the pick I was getting to make a necklace out of it. Her name was Faith Glanz. She works and owns the store. Aspiring musician. She liked how we spoke through songs.

She made it big. We started to drift. I didn't mind cause I already met Katrina Pureza backstage at one of the concerts. Accompanying her friend, she wasn't actually a fan.

She was, however, the daughter of a mob boss. Which led to us being separated and her father had his goons threw me out of a plane. I survived because I was saved by Priscilla Trance, an engaged skydiving instructor who just happens to be at the right place at the right time.

She wasn't available, but she had a twin named Theresa Anne who turns out to be the actual one that saved me. Plus she's a super secret spy. Who was on a case of a missing princess who secretly attended one of Faith's concert.

Her name was Princess Eleanor. She smoked weed. We saved her after receiving help from the Pureza Family. Theresa died in my arms when she took a bullet for us. Eleanor and I remained friends.

Love is not about finding an amazing girl to have an ending with. It's about the adventure you'll experience throughout. But you can't have an adventure if you don't set out.

So go, be it for fame and glamour, to be a knight or protector, thrill and adrenaline. Just go.

I'm done.

Afan

Queen

2011-06-19T04:25:00.002+08:00

Dear Neena,

Six months ago, we met and fell in love. Right from the very first sight. It was actually too good to be true. Was.

Due to certain circumstances, we were not meant to be. Nothing went wrong but it's just not written and I will accept that. God has bigger plans for you and I.

From this I've learned that true love does not guarantee a lasting one. Two people can be perfect for each other, but not the world. I said this a year ago: "When something wonderful ends, nothing bad comes out of it." and I still believe it.

You will be happier. You have so much to look forward to in your life because you will learn to believe in yourself and then you will be more amazing than you already are.

Again, I will reiterate, but I will put this in a different way, the first and main reason, the top priority, will always be, to make you happy. I am glad I was able to do that without fail for every single day I was able to call you mine. Now letting go is what I need to do to continue doing that.

Finally, I want to thank you for the second chance at love. To have been yours, even for a brief moment, and I say this honestly from the bottom of my heart, was a privilege and I feel honored.

I said it before, I'll definitely say it again.

Thank you, Neena, for being the Queen of my dreams. Now it's time for us to wake up.

I'm done.

Afan.

Analyzing Afan

2011-06-16T13:57:00.005+08:00

I was beaten to an inch of my life for leaving a really small stain on the wall. I was 4.

For every little things I did wrong, I'm talking about a growing kid, not knowing any better, kind of mistakes, I was slapped in the face as hard as an adult man could deliver. I haven't even reached 10.

For every minute of coming home late, my body will be decorated with lashes from canes and belts. I haven't even finished primary.

I watched in horror, as my brothers also felt his wrath. I get really terrified whenever I think I did anything wrong. That was how it is, growing up with fear.

But it's okay, I turned to my friends when I need to escape home.

Oh wait, I was betrayed by a whole group because of a really silly, jealous situation. I was 15.

Your parents might be divorced but I bet they actually act like parents to you. My parents are still together, but it was like only having a mother anyway.

As I grew older, so did he. As I got physically stronger, he got weaker. So the beating became less. Oh wait, it was just me getting used to it.

Sometimes I punch myself in the mouth to spit out blood. He stops when he sees blood.

All 4 of my elder brothers were driven out of home. So did I, but I was the only one not strong enough to hold it together, and I finally snapped before leaving.

There was this once, I sent a text for father's day, thanking him and telling him I love him, despite everything. I got no reply.

My father has never told me he loves me. Not even indirectly. But whatever.

My brother told me, exactly 2 days after I was born, my father went away for quite a long while, for religious bullshit. Obviously I don't remember anything but apparently, it affected our relationship.

I wasn't blessed with good looks. I faked confidence since forever that I now actually believe my own lie. It's called being delusional.

My first taste of actual happiness came to a devastating and abrupt halt which absolutely destroyed any belief I had towards life. It took me a whole year to recover.

Only to get a shot at another and again suddenly ended. But I won't bring her into this, she's mentally scarred too, caused by a different situation.

Last night I had a thought: I am actually going to die alone. The very next thing that came up was, don't we all? Cause I've never heard any planned death between friends or lovers.

So trust me when I say I really don't care. Family, friends, love. I'll pass.

I've given up on life, but I'm still living so I'll make the most out of it with the things I enjoy. Cause I can still think of millions out there that got it worse.

The point here is, it doesn't matter how big the scar is, it's the fact I have one.

"This still doesn't give you the right to be an asshole." Yeah, I just turned into one overnight because I felt like it. *rolls eyes*

I'm done.

Afan.

Neena Szulikowska

2011-05-02T09:01:00.002+08:00

I strutted my way to the front door with my phone in my hand. I pressed the 'answer' button twice. "The Queen Neenja" as I had affectionately put her name in my contacts. As I went down the stairs, she answers the call.

I was still expecting the same answer from what I got the night before. It changed because I wasn't the first that got through. It's all good. I made her change mind before, I can still do it. Packed with only 90 cents, I know I should be making it swift.

As the conversation went on, it became apparent of what I should do. I am going to actually let go. This girl that I've majestically admired to the furthest reaches of heaven itself. This girl that is close to perfection as the gap between atoms in a solid particle. This girl that triggered a feeling inside of me as instantly as our eyes met. I am going to end it.

I ran out of credit. Emergency credit were used then.

The fact remains, that we could not be together. Rather than we should not. Constant assurance of her state of happiness which I have provided made it easier for me. If it was up to ourselves, if it was up to her, we could still be. She confirms it.

Another interval, and I couldn't reload so I sent a text "Call me and we'll have a proper goodbye."

As I tell her all the things that will happen, that I will be expecting, that she should be expecting, she starts to sob faintly in the background. As part of a natural instinct, I made her stop. I slip in little jokes to lighten the ambiance. She chuckles from time to time.

This is the part where I realized this is how a relationship should end. I tell her "We started with a smile towards each other. We should end it the same way." So we did. It's an ironic situation and not really conventional method that should be changed to the norm.

As we agreed on terms and conditions from both sides, and after finally running out of things to say and the fact that we have been talking non-stop for about an hour, we can finally say it. Casually I ask if there is any last words from her to me. Her hesitation was clarification. It was imminent. I knew exactly what she wanted to say because that is what I felt too. So it was okay.

She tells me those three words and I replied the same. Finally, half-heartedly, barely, uttering "Bye."

I'm done.

Afan.

Literally Figuratively

2011-04-18T05:21:00.004+08:00

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

That is a simple question with various answers. Some hilarious, some ridiculous. This is a question that almost everyone has been asked as a sort of riddle. How is it a riddle when it's absolutely blunt and straightforward? Riddles are usually puzzling. This is not.

Then the answer; "To get to the other side."

The first time you heard the answer you were left with a dumbfounded look. Thinking there was going to be a gut-busting punchline. As a result, many thought the joke is there is no joke. When you realize that, you are able to laugh at the swerve it gave your brain. So there, riddle solved. It was just meant for a joke.

Or is it?

How about if I tell you the chicken knew what it was doing. It wants to cross. Does that change anything? To get to the bottom of this, you have to understand the chicken. An animal strongest instinct is to survive. But this chicken went against it. Against nature. It developed volition. It wants to cross.

So it did.

The first thing that you are thinking, the first picture you see in your head, is a normal road with a chicken on one side. Thus it's pretty apparent to imagine it on the other side. You can even play the motion of it performing the action of using its legs and walking across, with added flaps of its wings and clucking and bobbing of the head if you get creative. All in your head.

However, by that you overlooked.

Animals have an uncanny ability to detect danger better than human beings because it is essential for survival, as mentioned prior. While we on the other hand, act with calculated thoughts, or lack thereof. So it would not cause an uproar if you do what the chicken did.

Here comes the brilliant twist.

A car just flashed by. The chicken is now dead. Did it get to the other side?

I'm done.

Afan.

*Best read with Inception soundtrack

Time/Life

2010-12-30T01:57:00.002+08:00

Given ten seconds to decide whether to smile or be sad, which will you prefer? Which benefits more? Which feels better?

Everyone who still have their hearts beating right now, no matter how old you are, you have been given until today, and hopefully more to come, to make that choice. Be smart and you'll have a happy heart.

Most claimed that 2010 was a really bad year. I did too, for an instance. Then I decided life is too fun to be sad. People with shattered hearts and dreams really need a lot of growing up to do. Things break to be repaired. Things break to be replaced. Wounds heal. Physical and emotional. Just need to find the suitable medicine. For some it's drugs and alcohol and endless sex. For others, it's time.

For me, it's myself. I choose to not let myself be affected too much with negativity anymore. I choose to always look for better things. I choose to be happy. I choose to spread love. I choose to spread happiness. I choose to love myself more than anyone. I choose whatever that works.

As a reward, or at least this is what I make of it, for my patience and the newly found vicissitude outlook of life, I found someone to share my happiness with. As surreal as my previous relationship was, this easily tops it. This, is epic.

I was foolish and blinded enough to call someone perfect before. So I don't believe in that anymore. But I have to admit the gap between her and perfection is just infinitesimal. Exterior and interior. My life was already going great. She escalates it to celestial and divine.

So lesson learned, your life is whatever you choose to feel. Rule your emotions. Use logic. Fuse your brain with your heart. The fact that you are still breathing, is already enough to be grateful about. So be appreciative, accept things as it is, learn to tolerate, and be content. Complications only arise when you ask for more than what you have.

So keep smiling, give hugs, and spread love.

I'm done.

Afan.

And I'm the one people love to hate.

Rembrandts.

2010-10-23T00:09:00.003+08:00

How much do you value relationship amongst people, family, friends, and lover?

I find it funny, that I'm one of the few that does so. But it would all be for nothing. I wish I can implement that thought, the fact that it would not be worth it. This is life. It's rare for humans to see the significance of existence. To appreciate someone, just for being born.

We have no Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad for our time. The tears you see at funerals, accidents, disasters, are just for the moment. My tears will run dry too, but my heart will ache till it stops beating. But that's just me.

Yes I am too nice for my own good. The amount of people I'd jump a bullet for is illogical. Nobody can take that much. But I'll do it because I see life as something money can't buy, but you don't have to. It's there, so I hold on to it dearly. The problem is, I hold on to other's first. Tonight I've learned that only when you treasure something for what it's worth, it would lose its value.

I have tried to not care. I have turned my back. I have walked away. Only for me to recoil, revert and relapse. I can't decide if this is a curse, or a gift. Either way, I am fucked. I have to learn to enjoy the fucking then.

But God is fair, God is just. So naturally, there would be a saving grace despite all of this. His name is Khairul Azim. For now. For now.

There is a doubt now. No matter who you are to me. Because if you are going to fuck me over, make it quick, make it painless. Fuck, make it enjoyable. I bear no grudge, just disappointment.

I'm done.

Afan.

*0 people gave a shit. 195 people didn't know the title is the name of the band that sang F.R.I.E.N.D.S. theme song.

Smile

2010-09-11T04:05:00.003+08:00

Then you'll go out in style.

Waking up and knowing that there are people out there, at bliss, makes going through the day a whole lot easier. Happiness is addictive. You can't help but feel the tinge in your face curving your lips when you see someone flashing their pearly whites paired with welcoming eyes. Even for an infinitesimal instance, at least you were able to reduce your stress level. So why don't you keep doing it?

Because hate permeates easier.

We get our chains yanked, so we let loose. We get grazed in the wrong direction, so we bear grudges. We differ in opinions, so I think you're an idiot and does not deserve to breathe the air that I do. In retrospect, you would see that the times you spent listening to the Devil's Instigation could have been put use to and for propitious acts.

Some may take a while, some realize it sooner. The ones that don't, live a restless, haunted life. Then die without peace. Nobody can escape from their own feelings. So wouldn't it be nice if the forgiveness you seek, and offer, during Eid, be carried on to a lifetime? Saying sorry doesn't take much, but the return is hefty.

Burden off. Guilt-free. Sins cleansed. Life ameliorated. Depression erased. Sadness overcame.

As cliche as it may sound, "Why can't we get along?" is a question that you should really ponder from hook, line, and sinker. The answer will be the first step towards your path to happiness.

As for me, I always try to please everyone and everything. Though the methods I use aren't widely accepted and often misconstrued. So I will like to take this opportunity to beg, yes, beg for your forgivenes if there were any animosity conceived by my actions and words. I also hope that by this, you'll have a merry and joyful life. Sincerely.

I'm done.
Afan.

(730) Days of Haylie

2010-09-06T03:35:00.002+08:00

Dear Haylie,

Two years ago, at this date, we met and fell in love and our lives changed ever since.

But I'm not going to talk about the past, about what happened.

I'm going to talk about today.

It took me a while but I've learned when it ended, when we ended, I've learned to let things be, I've learned to become more patient. I've learned to become a better man and I know you're a much better person now too. I've also learned that when something wonderful ends, nothing bad comes out of it.

I'm also glad you're happier now.

Really, I do.

Again it took me a while, but I realized that has always been what mattered most to me; your happiness. Cause back then, whenever you smile, I smile. So if you're happy, I'm happy too. Another thing is I can proudly say I was with one of the most beautiful girl ever and I don't regret a single second of it.

So I want to thank you, for you have singlehandedly shaped the very foundation of the man that I am today.

I said it before, I'll definitely say it again.

Thank you, Haylie. For existing.

Afan.

Haylie

2010-05-24T23:06:00.003+08:00

So it’s been 5 months since we broke up. Why am I still not over you? Let us recap.

September 1st, 2008. I said “You’re me, but a girl.” on your c-box at your blogspot and everything started from there. It was surreal, you can’t deny that. We finished each other’s sentences and basically just read each other’s mind about everything. It was too impossible to call it coincidence. At the back of our minds, we were thinking “This might be it. This might be love.”

I’m a man with a 10 layer wall protecting my heart. Before you, that is. Then you came and walked into that fortress without any problem. And I let you. I let you walk in. Only because I was truly convinced that I’ve finally found love.

So we were happy for 10 months until one day, you wanted out because you just somehow don’t feel the same anymore. I was devastated. We shared a lot and you decide to just end it just like that.

After a month or so, I showed you that I’m the one you love. I was willing to do anything to make you happy. To be the best for you. So we got back together. I was happy again. Then you promised you’ll never leave again. I believed you but I kept a fraction of my heart to be cautious. I changed for the better.

Too good I suppose. Because one day you told me you were getting smothered. You said I loved you too much. You asked me to love you less. And you left again. Only to come back the very next day. I become more cautious. To protect myself from another heartbreak. You noticed that, you told me that there’s no point being in a relationship where someone is not giving 100%. I complied. I gave you 200% because of that.

As we wait for you to finish with school, we weren’t going through any conflict at all. Then the day came. Last day of SPM. We went to Curve to celebrate. I can’t wait to spend a lot of time with you. And we did spend a lot of time for 3 days. The very next day, out of nowhere. Out of nowhere, you cheated.

Imagine being told to drive full speed because someone told you that it’s okay to do so. Then the very same person put a concrete wall, and you crash into it. Full speed. If you don’t die, you get paralyzed. So now please understand what I’m going through.

What have I done so bad to make you do that to me? I never even looked at other girls while I was with you. I couldn’t even have a celebrity crush. I can’t even play with my niece if you’re on the phone. Other than you, females didn't exist in my life while with you.

After all the breakdowns and suicide attempts and rage, time patched it up a bit. But those wounds tend to get cut up again randomly. I’ll never be okay until you realize what you’ve done. But now you think I’m psychotic? Anyone would have lost their mind if this happened to them. Remember who pushed me, remember who made me this way. How cruel can someone be? Why don’t you just shoot someone and leave them to bleed to death, only they don’t. They stayed alive and now they have a scar that will never heal. How cruel can you be? No apologies, no regrets, nothing. You just walked away. Do you expect me to just forgive you and everything will be okay again? I actually did. I forgave you for everything. So now, the aftermath. I can’t go on a day without thinking will you ever realize what you’ve done to me because it is that bad. Break up happens, cheating happens, but not after everything you promised. Not after everything you told me. I’m traumatized of love now thanks to you. Where is your heart? Where is your heart? Where is your heart?

If our relationship was like any other than I wouldn’t have made this a big deal. But you know, you know what we had, is going to be very had to top. I know you know. Falling in love instantaneously, 9 hour phone call, willing to be by your side for 3 days after your surgery, trusting me with the one thing all girls hold sacred to, unless they’re whores.

The best part is, you’re currently happy with your life. Congratulations, you got away.

I'm done.

Afan.

About Her

2010-03-30T02:19:00.005+08:00

As my fingers nimbly dance on the claviature, the encephalon orchestrating every delicate move, distributing subtle signals back and forth, you still manage to intercept and squeeze your way in my stream of thoughts. I smile. I know I'm in yours too.

I can't wait for our gaze to meet and time will halt to honour the immaculate feeling that blooms within us at that very moment. With puzzled look on our faces, we make our way closer. Without uttering a single word, we understand. Our eyes are doing all the tête-à-tête. Everything else from that brief encounter would start to fall into place perfectly.

We will make our lives full because we have filled the void that has always been in us before our fate intertwined. We make each other happy just by existing. We make each other smile just by breathing. The only tears that will ever come out from us would be because we laughed too hard. You with your silly jokes that would never get old and my goofiness that leaves you in stitches. We can even laugh at each other. Arguments and fights that we purposely create because we love to test ourselves but you can never keep a straight face and we end up laughing all over again.

There would never be a dull day because you and I just can't stop talking about everything. Always up for something new. Unpredictable as life itself, one day you decide to talk with a Scottish accent, next day we'll be learning how to salsa. Just because we can. You never cease to amaze and surprise because you and I, we grasp the concept of we can do whatever because it's our life.

Still life is life, there would be rough patches and bumps along the way. But we pick ourselves up as fast as we tripped. Hand in hand. You never let anything affect you. For that, from your strength, I find mine.

I tell you I'll climb all the way to the heavens to let God know what a good job He did for creating you. I tell you I'll give you everything of your heart's desire. I tell you I'll pick the brightest star for you to keep. I tell you I'll blow away the clouds that's blocking the sun from shining on you. I tell you I'll protect you from any harm. I tell you I'll-

You'd tell me to shut up.

Because you would tell me that I'm enough. I'm already everything for you. Just like how you are to me. You tell me love should be effortless. That by being yours, is already more than anything that you can ever want or need.

My fingers slows their pace. I'm glad that I thought of you tonight. That's the only place you'll ever be because...

You don't exist.

I'm done.

Afan.

Vida

2010-03-26T04:30:00.004+08:00

You run. Convulsing and heaving. Inhale, exhale. Still running. You're not moving even an infinitesimal away from what's chivying. It's vexatious, enervating and debilitating. You try. You will never thrive. Unless you perish. That's the only available method. Only by the Almighty's volition though. Not yours. For that will lead you to another imminent run but an eternity as the limit. Sounds like an easy choice to surmise if ever asked. From experience, it's not.

You hide. You build a fortress. A solitude where you ensconce yourself from everything in hoping nothing can infiltrate or percolate. No luck. It finds a way to permeate any crack once found. Everything then crumbles. Back to square one. What now?

You fight. Gather all your might. Clench your fist. You strike. No avail. It doesn't even flinch. Another strike. It's now laughing. Everything's failing. What now? As stated prior, you can try to run again. Ask yourself, can my legs hold itself? How durable are my lungs? Will my heart beat itself out of my chest?

Am I strong enough?

You're not. Nobody is.

What is that you're running from? What is it that you're trying to hide from? What is it that you're trying to fight?

It's futile. Because it's Life.

Stop. Turn around. Embrace it. The more you run or hide or fight it, the uglier it gets. If you accept it, it will always take you to a place where whenever the sun lays its rays on your face, it's halcyon. The breeze as gentle as a newborn's touch. Even after Life takes you to a chaotic commotion of precipitation. Withal, you can even direct Life to where you want to and it will reach when it's time. All you have to do- all you can do is hold on to it. Have faith and keep the corners of your lips curved upwards.

I'm done.

Afan.

Why?

2010-01-12T14:50:00.003+08:00

Answer me.

Ignorance

2009-06-19T11:12:00.004+08:00

If I'm a bad person, you don't like me
I guess I'll go, make my own way
It's a circle
A mean cycle
I can't excite you anymore
Where's your gavel? Your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me
Well sentence me to another life.

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
Cause you know we're not the same
Oh we're not the same
The friends who stuck together
We wrote our names in blood
But i guess you can't accept that the change is good
It's good

You treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend

This is the best thing that could've happened
Any longer and i wouldn't have made it
It's not a war no, it's not a rapture
I'm just a person but you can't take it
The same tricks that once fooled me
They won't get you anywhere
I'm not the same kid from your memory
Now I can fend for myself

Ignorance is your new best friend

Where The Lines Overlap

2009-06-18T10:05:00.000+08:00

Give me attention
I need it now
Too much distance
To measure it out
Out loud
Tracing patterns across a personal map
And making pictures where the lines overlap

No one is as lucky as us
We're not at the end but oh we already won
No one is as lucky as us

Call me over
Tell me how you got so far
Never making a single sound
I'm not used to it but I can learn
Nothing to it
I've never been happier

No one is as lucky as us
We're not at the end but oh we already won
No one is as lucky as us

Now I've got a feeling if I sang this loud enough you would sing it back to me

No one is as lucky as us
We're not at the end but oh we already won
No one is as lucky as us

2009-05-31T22:52:00.001+08:00

Bye.

Last post of my life. Lets make this a meaningful one.

Yes. I'm going to kill myself. Call me emo, call me stupid, call me whatever. We all know what you say is just opinion while I'm factual. I'm really psyched. So obviously I'm not BAAWWWing while sitting in the corner rocking back and forth. My life is at it's peak. Retire while you're at the top. That's what I'm doing. There will be no people being dissed, offended, fucked. Unfortunately. There will be no more stalking (Why hallo thar Sri Amanians! XD) of me, criticizing every single thing about me, thinking I'm the worst person ever. Unfortunately. I used XD. First time in the entire blog.

Here comes the shout outs, apologies, and thank yous, and fuck yous. Haha. <==== first laugh in the whole blog.

To all those loved(LAWL) me; namely... um... people I guess? Haha. Yes I know, I myself am surprised that there are people that loves/d me awww. Okay maybe not love but like, care. No not like, care. If you don't get it you are slow if you do then you're lame.

Number one would surely be none other than... Myself! Kidding. Haylie! Woot. Love ya. Bye. Be happy tau. Well that's all. Haha. No la<==? Moi friends.. friends la kot... or I'm just perasaning je but nevermind jugak cause if they pretended then at least I will never find out. XD I'm killing myse- eh, lol pun. Pun, not pun, bodoh.

Neways, Lanee Zane! Aiman kau jaga betul-betul kalau tak aku sepak kau. Mati pun boleh tau. Legend en. Aiman lak, main je drum sampai tua. Best. Weh just remembered. I'm gonna be Legend...-wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is dairy! <3 Barney. As in Stinson. Morons.

Then Sarah, Stay ignorant, it's blissful, it's Sarah! Haha. Stay that way. Izman, tak kenal sangat la actually but since dah mention Sarah... dia dulu Lazara so dia hepp. Hahahaha. Kidding bro. =D

then Hanna; IMPORTANT: SHE IS AWESOME BECAUSE SHE HAS SLAPPED MY FACE... TWICE! WOOT! Since I mentioned Hanna, it's only natural that we think of Elle. Haha. You 2 must be best friends like forever yaw. Woot.

Then like, Lisa kot. I like your sister more than you... Hahahahaha no la. You're the one that made me realize the first and last letters in African is the same as the first and last letters in my name. -_______________- That's actually Awesome. Haha.

Mentioning Lisa equals Subang people. So starts off with...

Jazzlan, you are just undeniably the most Awesome person in Subang in numerous criteria as in, you're like a male bimbo cause you watch The Hills too much. Hahaha. But yeah, thanks for all that you've done for me. Love yous. Haha.

Not gonna say anything about Khairul cause he's an ass and gonna rant incoherently about nothing cause he's a smartass without the smart. I like Johan more. Johan sings better, looks better, just, better. Hahahaha.

Then Lutfi, dia ni actually really nice tau. But being immature and annoying is his thing. Accept je la. Takleh accept pergi mati. >=( Hahaha.

Then cam Charlie, thanks jugak. Hanafi, lama tak jumpa dah. Jarir! Pun sama =/ And Syazwan, gay. Haha. Ashraff Zafri the nicest out of the other Subang kids, the least kurang ajar. Hahaha. Sister hot, boyfriend sister pun hot. Yeslah. XD

Now for the haters; I don't know any... always too scared to show themselves. Lai la cibai kia. Bo scare lan dao. Hahaha. Now I'm gonna die, who are you gonna hate? You're gonna miss me. Awww =')

Notice I'm typing really loosely and just really out of my natural and original style. It's my blog right? You can edit? Fail.

So this is it. The death of a Legend.

I'm looking at death now and smiling like an idiot. This is going to be Awesome.

I'm dead.
Afan.

P/s: In case you're wondering how I am doing it, a stab to my left chest. BAD-ASS. >=D

Poetic

2009-05-29T16:05:00.002+08:00

Gatsbys American Dream.
The Horse You Rode In On.

I think I've read this book before.
Hardbound, shiny cover. Pretty colours.
But an ending that's sure to disappoint.
It's not what you'd expect when you open the box.
And all the things you'd wish you'd find, fleeting and taunting.
Colours drab and ordinary.
To the brilliant white of not knowing what's inside.

But how can I bear to behold that dream now?
That my eyes have adjusted to the concrete wall of this box that I've opened?

And I know I'm more than just a little fucked up.

But I'm trying.

To make.

My way.

Back home.

I'm done.
Afan.

Click

2009-05-28T06:46:00.004+08:00

Here.

I'm done.
Afan.

Best part of believe...

2009-05-27T14:45:00.002+08:00

Is the lie.

It was beautifully orchestrated. Well manufactured. Delicately structured. Sublimely constructed. Fashionably fabricated.

The camera caught us causing a commotion at the gurney again.

The emotions. The reactions.

Priceless.

They looked up and said "Give us this day our daily dose of faux affliction!"

Forgive my sins that was forged at the pulpit with forked tongues selling faux sermons.

Hilarious.

Cheers to all that showed us who you really are to us.

Good, bad, ugly.

There for drama, there with honesty.

Still there.

I'm Afan, she's Haylie.

X to the D.

Rhyming is fun.

I'm done.
Afan.

XD

2009-05-26T21:59:00.003+08:00

You can say that...

*takes of sunglasses*

you got punk'd.

I'm done.
Afan.

Win

2009-05-15T11:44:00.001+08:00

If you fuck a girl, she'll love you. If you love a girl, she'll fuck you.

I'm done.
Afan.

Hire Hire.

2009-04-24T11:00:00.002+08:00

Getting married?

Event coming up?

Simply want to look good in pictures?

Corny advertising aside. If you need a photographer, contact me. You set the price. I'm generous.

Here's my teammate's flickr;

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kimmography/

I'm done.
Afan.

Awesome Facts

2009-04-23T06:38:00.002+08:00

10 Awesome facts spawned from boredom.

#1 I'm Awesome.

#2 I have Perfection.

#3 I have an Awesome Mom.

#4 I finished a game of Solitaire in 36 seconds.

#5 I don't sleep on Saturdays.

#6 I'm always right.

#7 I'm smarter than everyone.

#8 If you're smarter than me it means you have an unfair advantage or you cheated.

#9 I'm stronger than everyone.

#10 If you're stronger than me it means you have an unfair advantage or you cheated.

#11 I can make more than 10 facts in a list of 10 Awesome facts.

#12 My tear cures AIDS and cancer. Unfortunately I never cry.

#13 When I do push-ups, I don't push myself up, I push the world down.

#14 I held off 20 men surrounding me. There were more, but only 20 came close enough.

#15 I almost killed a guy but then decided to torment him with the fact that I almost killed him.

#16 I can stand on one hand.

#17 I know Aiman Azhar.

#18 I can stand with no hands.

#19 I can speak in any language that I want.

#20 I have the prettiest eyes.

#21 I can never be fat.

#22 I know Lanee Zane.

#23 I have an Oscar.

#24 I had a house, a car, and a job, all while I was only 16.

#25 I can answer anything you ask.

#26 I can run and never stop. Ever.

#28 I skipped 27.

#29 I had no emotions before 6th of September 2008.

#30 I removed a pimple by glaring at it.

#31 I know Sarah.

#32 I can do the Kirby.

#33 I can sleep with my eyes open.

#34 I saw the twist coming.

#35 I made-up one fact.

#36 I'm the only one in the world that has my name.

#37 I never lie.

#38 I know Izman.

#39 I can stop smoking anytime.

#40 I froze time.

#41 I can play any instruments. Any.

#42 I have a scar under my left eye that is actually a Certification of Awesomeness from God.

#43 I know Lisa Ameera.

#44 I know you're reading this.

#45 I can stop this list right here.

#46 I can continue the list from here.

#47 I lived in KJ.

#48 I mind-fucked a mind-fucker.

#49 I know Ain Razak.

#50 I am better looking than anyone.

#51 If you're better looking than me it means you have an unfair advantage or you cheated.

#52 I met Patrick Star.

#53 I am Legendary.

#54 The next fact is true.

#55 The previous fact is false.

#56 I can cook anything.

#57 There is no fact #57.

I'm done.
Afan.

Perfect.

2009-04-06T22:37:00.002+08:00

Other girls lean in for a kiss.

She leans in to fix my hair.

I'm done.
Afan.

Truth.

2009-03-30T22:28:00.002+08:00

I agree, but we are a very intolerant society. "Indie" was cool for a while but now that everyone's doing it, we get sick of it. I'm even sick of the whole indie movement, mainly because it's more pretentious than anything mainstream. This happens in all generations, it's nothing new. It just seems more bothersome now because many of us are geeks and nerds. The pretentious indie crowd have invaded our turf and are using our interests and hobbies as their own. This irks us, those of us who are true geeks, who were made fun of in school, who grew up and continued to have these geeky interests and sometimes are still made fun of, who will be made fun of once the whole "geek is cool" fad dies off.

-Random Poster in Gamefaqs message board.

I'm done.
Afan.

Afan's Hour

2009-03-27T10:39:00.003+08:00

I help the environment by switching off the lights for 12 hours from 7.00 A.M. to 7.00 P.M. Beat that.

Switching off your lights tomorrow night wouldn't mean a thing. It just shows that you're slaves to the media. "Oh look at me. I'm doing what the TV hyped about. I am certified cool. Oh yeah, I care about Earth too. Forgot about that." Then why do you still exist?

You don't become the saviour of the world by reducing the use of electricity. To really help, kill yourself. Global warming has one and only one solution: Genocide of the idiots.

My studies have shown that idiots generate 100% more heat merely from their existence. Help Earth, kill idiots. Since the world is made up of 98% of idiots, this will result in the human population to decrease to approximately 120,000,000. That's still a lot of people. But that's more than enough for humans.

So tomorrow, switch off your lights from 8.30 P.M. to 9.30 P.M to show respect to me. For I am a messiah and I have opened your eyes.

Here's the tl;dr version:

Less people=Less pollution=No global warming. Ergo, I'm a genius.

I'm done.
Afan.

A post.

2009-03-09T15:14:00.002+08:00

A month.

There's no drama. There's no hate. There's no wrong. There's no right. Nicol David has quite a body. White men are tall. Shaving is funny.

Finally something to read eh? But what is this? It's about nothing. Boo. That's why reality TV is a success. I am not a show. Though I like to be looked at, with glee or gloom. Everything is going rather well surprisingly. Haylie, college, 'friends' (I will not change), my hair. Speaking of which, it is at its best state ever. I love Google. And Wiki. Answers to life right there.

Bought light blue jeans which coupled with the white v-neck long sleeve made me look like a dad. A Rockstar dad. With nice hair. Confirmed getting fat though. I am sad. Also light brown khakis. More dad material.

That's about it. Nothing I want. Nothing is happening. Which is something albeit it's nothing. But it's still something. So something insignificant is happening. If something peculiar does happen, I'll let you know. On second thought, no. I still take expectations and hopes and dreams for granted and relentlessly crush it. Especially yours.

I'm done.
Afan.

Retaliation.

2009-02-04T08:22:00.002+08:00

Reciprocation.

When will it become desuetude?

Peroration. It's in dire need.

When you espy my presumptuous physiognomy, even a vague visage, it will give you hell.

When you gander and glance in my direction, it will give you hell.

A sanguine solace?

Nonchalant. Always.

I'm done.
Afan.

Monologues of a Moron

2009-01-04T20:21:00.003+08:00

"Aku benci sial dengan Afan tu. Tengok muka dia pun aku dah menyampah. Dengar nama dia pun buat aku sakit hati walaupun dah beberapa tahun tak jumpa dia. Aku rasa dia mesti tak ingat aku pun. Bajet je dia. Dah la hitam. Rasa nak hentak je muka dia. Aku tau mesti ramai lagi tak suka dia. Padan muka. Baik dia mati je. Tapi dia still hidup lagi. Asal takde sapa nak bunuh dia? Eh, asal aku tak bunuh dia? Pukul pun tak? Patut la aku tak puas hati. Eh takpe la. Orang lain pukul dia pun aku dah boleh puas. Hehehe. Bestnya. Padan muka kau Afan. Bodoh punya budak. Tapi asal dia masih ok je eh? Bila la orang nak pergi pukul dia ni? Argh! Menyampahnya aku. Pastu asal dia tak kisah pun semua orang benci dia? Argh! Memang menyampah! Aku takleh tengok dia happy. Dan untuk tengok dia tak happy aku pun kena tak happy sebab fikir pasal benda ni. ARGH! Aku benci Afan! Oh! Aku tahu! Aku kutuk je belakang dia dan ajak ramai-ramai untuk kutuk jugak. Mesti dia sedih sebab semua kutuk dia. Dan dalam era globalisasi kini, ada internet. Aku jumpa blog dia. Gila bajet cakap orang putih bajet gempak. Aku akan baca setiap hari sekiranya muncul peluang untuk memburukkan nama si bodoh ini. Aku kutuk kat sini dengan menggunakan nama samaran yang mengutuk dia seperti "Afan yang bodoh", "Afan yang hitam", dan lain lain. Hehehehe. Mesti dia panas hati punya la. Hahahaha. Sungguh ligat kepala otak aku. Mari ramai-ramai kita kutuk Afan yang tak guna ni."

Cute.

I'm done.
Afan.

End. New.

2008-12-27T23:05:00.005+08:00

2008.

Time doesn't fly. It steers and struts with elegance in a delicate and recherché manner. This year felt like a decade. From pseudo-homelessness to working life to college. Newly found companions and discarded ones too. No qualm. I'm still me.

In a related cognizance, yes, still about me, I am famed by(with?) infamy. Thanks to a girl who has, unbeknownst to me, an animosity towards me. I am acclimatized to this but this time it's different because she decides to spread fabrication of falsehood about me. According to her, I am a scary stalker. What made you think that you're worthy to be stalked? I have a couple of reasonable presumption and speculation for this situation but I'll just say; delusions of grandeur. Make up a story that a Bloody Rock God like me noticed your petty existence. Or maybe you wanted something from me but I did not comply. I will not reveal the identity of this girl for I am concerned of her reputation- oh wait. Umairah Hussin.

This was months ago, but only now I know that my name has been tainted. Thank you. There you go, my attention. Now leave. Or die. Whatever.

Back to year end rant. But I don't actually have anything to rant about.

Nevertheless,

The most significant event were, irrefutably, unequivocally, without a speck of a doubt, The Ascertainment of Perfection and The Self-Ascendation to Awesomeness.

Well, this year is coming to an end. This world too actually but I would not delve into that as of yet.

I'm done.
Afan.

Cast & Crew

2008-12-06T08:21:00.003+08:00

In order or appearance:

Aisyah Ilani Lanee Zane
Haylie Irena Zaharina Haylie
Elyana Elle
Aiman Aiman
Hanna Ghulam Hanna
Nurul Aiman Nurulol
Hariz Hariz
Nur Sarah Sarot
Aliah Aliah
Rhyz Rhyz
Julia Julia
Johan Johan
Farah Alisya Yusra Lola
Amirul Amirul Teddy
Kamarul Anwar Charlie
Ahmad Khairul Azim Khairul
Ashraf Zafri Ashraf
Syazwan Syazwan
Lutfi Lutfi
Jazlan Jazlan

Not as jubilant as hoped.

2008-11-13T00:59:00.003+08:00

It's that time again. Where Father leaves to a 40 day holy conquest. Which made me somehow searched for "Doomsday" in Wiki. I read and imagined. Mahdi and Jesus would be the most badass looking guys ever, battling against Dajjal and his minions. Gabriel would be Awesome if he shows up.

*sigh*

I know it's wrong. Or is it? Yes it is. I always want Allah to show me. Show me anything. I believe but sometimes it gets hard. Just one. Anything. Show me. Sometimes I even wonder something as fucked up as "What if I'm in the wrong religion all this while?" This kind of thing just makes me sigh cause pondering it would just be inconsequential. All I can do is just believe. In something that has not been shown to me. Yes, I know everything in existence is according to Him. But I want something specific for me. Well, I'll know when I'll die then. Or when the world's ending. Whichever comes first.

Moving on to something less depressing. Perfection at Dome. No, Dome is still shit. It's just a cafe without anything peculiar or momentous but dares to charge like it is. She decided to work there. And she likes it. She's having fun, gets paid (not as much as I did though), and getting hit on like she's single. I'm so proud of her. Yes I like people to make a move on my fiance because at the end of the day, it's me. Just me. Frolicking by boasting. Oh only I can do that.

Somewhat related note: Immature and unnecessary jealousy. My forehead is sore after meeting with my palm relentlessly. Easiest solution; erase the existence of the source. Since doing it literally would be murder, it would just involve meddling with the brain. Fingers cross that she has not become emotionally attached by that repulsive thing called "friendship" or she might get hurt.

I'm done. That was fast? Yes. So? Shoo. Get off my lawn.

I'm done.
Afan.

How's the withdrawal?

2008-10-30T09:35:00.003+08:00

Epiphone, Junior Model. Epiphany. Le Perfection's.

Suddenly I came home one day and I saw a plasma TV. Goodness old man, I really don't exist.

I have come to realize that I have not been blogging as much as I were months before. I will not be like others and say I don't know why. So I know why. Since I've met Perfection, I'm less... querulous? Not to say I'm freaking effervescent now. Still a misanthrope.

Whatever, lets just make you jealous.

Love.

It's a four letter word. Overrated. I can think of other four letter words such as shit, damn, fuck, lame, lolz, lulz, lawl, what, ever, also, hate. Why am I mentioning Love then? Am I in Love? If I were ever in something, it would be of a better quality (much much better) than something as insipid as Love. Alas, I settled on that word because I haven't created a language of my own. Yet. Do I believe in Love? No. What I believe in instead is, God. God created me out of Win and Awesome. However, that wasn't the only thing. He... divided, bifurcated, sundered, www.thesaurus.com, (I have been accused of using it. It would be so much easier to just say "I'm jealous.")-- anywho, what I'm trying to say is there was only One. But then God made it two. So there's two of me. But the other me is a woman. I just found her. So now two bodies are sharing One soul. Together we are One. Now I can shoot lasers from my nose and lightning comes out from my arse.

A lot of skeptics were dumbfounded. I thought I was a pessimist. We got engaged just four days after we found each other and we want babies. Pronto. Non-rambunctious nor boisterous. Just Awesomeness regardless. Life said no though. Not yet. That can only mean one thing. Life itself is covetous of me. Awesome ain't it?

On an unrelated and completely random note, Khairul Azim and Johan. What? What? Don't ask questions that I won't answer. Then again, just don't ask questions.

Suddenly I'm hungry.

So what's Love or something a lot like it or better?

It's simple. It's just something that you obviously don't, can't, won't have. Sucker.

I'm done.
Afan.

Envy/Envied

2008-10-06T21:25:00.003+08:00

Jealousy's the cousin. The cousin of Greed.

Money collecting season so far; Not stoked. Not as productive when this lad was still running around merrily. Other kids raking in the notes like they earn it. Mothereffs. Food? Same shit, special day. Mothereffin' Parmigiana was the most memorable. Partially because it was in a 'fancy' restaurant and I didn't finish it. Even while sharing with Perfection. Looked dashing in the tailor-made vintage suit of some sort. It's so Awesome it doesn't have a term for it. I don't do traditional Baju Melayu. A twist and/or a unique touch is inevitable. Just like the old Asian(as in, Chinese or other similiar looking races. Yes, stereotyped.)-influenced blue jacket-like piece of Awesome. I miss that.

The Rings of Perfection Meets Awesomeness exchanged. The night of first Eid. Mom's reaction wasn't as shocked. Damn. Father was the interrogator of the night. Little sister talked about.. studies. Hah. Must've been hell for her as I watch from across the room. Scoffs, snickers, et al.

Got to know Father's cousin from his mother's side, twice-removed. No, not really. Always wanted to say that. An old lady with a posh house and various cars ranging from Merc to... other Mercs. But she lives alone. Charmed my way into making it the weekly weekend getaway. Come anytime I want. Just ring the bell. I am Loved by many. Hated easily.

Introduced to young kids a couple of nights before Eid. Fucking adorable to say the least. Nurulol. Can't stop saying it that night. Didn't get to see The Sarah Pout from, well, Sarah. I like Lanee's name. And Elle, my goodness, be my daughter. The lads? I hate rich kids. I'm not included. Alright, rephrased; I hate rich kids with dads that aren't cheap. I was 16 when I drove the Merc. Beaten by 2 bloody years. And they're huge. I was a midget at that age. Are they fed testosterone? Fuck. For the lad that complimented me on my blog for it's good sense of English (really? Nah.) I don't know what to say. I'm not used to this. Thank you? I know how Myra felt that day now.

Recently, met Aniss. And her beau. She doesn't think I'm a stalker. At least she didn't say it. Hah. No, I'm not if you're wondering "Is he?". Deeya, first time. And her beau. Good job by the way, pun intended, teeth gritted, laughter held. Moving on. Old flame of Perfection. And his beau(s)? Snares, toms, cymbals, you know the drill. "I've been popping pills because I can't actually scream for attention right? That would be too obvious." as opposed to fake suicide attempts? Right. Those hommes for femmes though, kids with dramas are hilarious. He doesn't actually like him because he talks behind their backs so he talks behind his back to other people's back. Then they turn around, they're all smiling at each other. Quality right there. Quality. Never had that, so it was funny. My words comes out from my fist anyways.

Now I realized. Why did I typed all that?

Fuck off. I'm not here to entertain you.

Here's a little something something for The Perfect.

To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think would be real. To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold Utopian dream.

I'm done.
Afan.

Poseur

2008-09-26T10:02:00.002+08:00

*Poses*

No. Here's the definition courtesy of the interwebz;

Noun

Pronunciation : /pO.z9R/

Poseur (plural poseurs)

1. One who affects some behaviour, style, attitude or other condition, often to impress or influence others.

I've been labeled as one which made me spit milk out of my nose while, well, while drinking milk and sitting in my front of the computer. Thank you Sarah Zain. I actually tend to get people annoyed and offend everyone that I can which is just antithetical. Not that I'm trying to do it to you now Sarah. I like you. You're hilarious. Makes my zygomaticus muscles contract. That sounded rather... wrong. Nevertheless, if I'm le poseur. Pose I shall. Yes, to annoy you. I am grinning now. Yes, I am well aware that the combination of the parentheses and colon or equal signs resemble a smile. Tilted 90°. Sort of. But I refuse to use it so it just mind-fucks the lot of you.

Blog has been passed around to minors. Oh I will be guilty of corrupting young minds. I don't mind at all. I too, am young. No? Oh...

Everything's (freaky, Matt Bellamy sang "Everything..~" when I typed that. Irrelevant, yes. Can you do anything about it? Exactly.)-- I forgot what I was thinking. That's a first.

Am I losing my touch? Shit.

Haylie, I find myself entirely transfixed upon Cupid's shaft.

I'm done.
Afan.

Emotionless, save one. Lustless, save none.

2008-09-22T20:27:00.003+08:00

Still Awesome.

Sad enough to say that alone I can barely light a match. But together we can burn this place down.

Wasn't the case barely a month ago. I can take on the world (though hard) while laughing hysterically. Now, I don't know. I.. need her.

I have.. changed.

I am 0.0(add as many zeroes here)1% human now.

Almost lost it when bloody C₁₉H₂₈O₂ took over and won. Briefly. A providential and timely act of vehement volition from her saved us. Saved her. From me. I only wished I was as virile. Apologies in repeat. Forgiveness given. A benign being as always. Swore, yes, swore, as in, oath, not cursing, to Perfection and myself; "This will never happen again."

Thoughts of getting rid of my- no. Then I, we, can't have kids. Hah. So, no. I.. extricate(?) the concupiscence and venereal appetite instead. For now at least. Which I never knew was possible.

Anywho, was contemplating on writing something that would irrefutably incite Mr.Cliché and Mr.Cheesy. (Read: "Aww~ So sweet~.", *melts*, et ceteras.) So, no. *Coughs* It deserves its own post *Coughs*

I'm done.
Afan.

Expostulate. No?

2008-09-17T21:18:00.002+08:00

What a sponge

You know what i hate? Self-absorb people. To me, they're so fucked. I mean seriously, get over yourself. It's so retarded to compliment yourself calling yourself 'hot', 'great', 'awesome', 'sexy', etc. Who are you trying to convince? The only person who will be convince is your retarded self. Nobody will actually believe your are whatever you refer yourself as because you're not. With or without you walking on the surface of earth, the world will still be normal. With or without you, everyone will still live. With or without you, the grass will still stay green. So, get over yourself because you are one hell of a complete retard to compliment yourself. Stop lying to the world.

PS. This post is for nobody. Just a thought about self-absorb people.

Mood : Annoyed

' ain razak wrote this at 8:47 PM

Oh my. I think she's right. About every single thing.

No.

I'm done.
Afan.

Background Check

2008-09-17T17:35:00.002+08:00

The last time this happened was when the government saw me as a potential threat that would disrupt the balance of the world. No, not really.

They should though.

What now? Oh yes. Friends of Perfection decided to do a background check I suppose? Hence the title.

Here's what they have found:

Name: Afan. Not good enough.
Full name: Doesn't matter. Not good enough.
Age: College student. Not good enough.
Dislikes: A lot that conflicts with what Perfection likes. Not good enough.
Looks: No picture. Not good enough.
Anything good: None. Not good enough.

Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough.

*Stamps imaginary NOT GOOD ENOUGH stamp on imaginary Not Good Enough documents*

Yes, I myself think that I am not good enough. But then again, that's entirely up to her.

I'm done.
Afan.

Bigot In Jacket

2008-09-10T19:46:00.002+08:00

Rants starts here:

If a picture is worth a thousand words. Thousands of them equals millions. Plainspoken, no one reads that much. Am I right? Of course. At least have the decency in you to put meaningful pictures. The sight of your face, with an idiot just like you by your side, in different angles are not meaningful. No. Camwhoring, as it is coined nowadays, is a plague. A word that has 'whore' in it is always a bad thing.

"But it's for keepsakes and memories. I want to remember the day I did nothing significant to this world." It's no objet d'art. Not worth it. Illusions of grandeur anyways. Nothing lasts long enough. Take of your rose-coloured glass now.

Felt an iota of "why aren't you dead?" emotion. Impertinent to prior harangue. Credits to dreaded greetings after limning and delineating of a padlock. Are you not the one expecting papers of certification and a picture of me in robe and grotesque hat accepting said papers? Die already. Everything is wrong to you. I might as well just make everything wrong.

End rant.

I now have a reason to live. Or die. Same thing. Perfection in the form of a human. A female, to be precise. No, not a *gag* girlfriend. You wouldn't understand.

"Mom, I kind of got married and forgot to tell you. Oh, I think she's pregnant." - A hilarious thought that I am so tempted to actualize. Looks involving widened eyes, raised brow, gaped mouth, stuttering utterance and repetition of "What?", is always priceless. Count me in.

I'm done.
Afan.

Rooftop, Smoke Rings and Waltz

2008-09-07T21:48:00.002+08:00

Perfection.

I'm done.
Afan.

Women. Sigh

2008-09-04T07:09:00.004+08:00

I'm here to chew gum and Spread The Awesome. And I'm out of gum.

- Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl that would least likely give him STD.

- Guys are more emotional than you think. if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try because you stayed in the kitchen longer than the others. =(

- Guys go crazy over a girl's smile because the chest isn't too far from there.

- A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you cook for.

- Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?. oh never mind." would make him pretend to care.

- If a guy tells you about his problems, listen and improve yourself. You're the cause.

- A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when they realize your existence.

- Guys love you more than you love them. And we're good liars.

- Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he's an expert.

- If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he's imitating you.

- If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's stoned.

- When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, you must have made a fucking a good sandwich.

- When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he has another girl.

- When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something like "Those can't be real."

- Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are mad confusing when they see one out of the kitchen.

- Guys would give the world for a girl that doesn't talk back.

- No guy can handle all his problems on his own. Cleaning the house, washing the clothes, cooks the food are what you're here for.

- Not all guys are rude. What the fuck? Who came up with this? What a load of crap.

- When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to talk to you, you'd better be ready to give him a royal treatment.

- Even if you dump a guy months ago you'd still be thinking about him because now you're either with a worse guy or alone.

I'm done.
Afan.

I can scream. It hurts. Cough

2008-09-01T17:40:00.004+08:00

So there's this guy.

Oh wow. I thought it was a typo too. No ladies, nothing sexual about it. So nothing to add to your weird fantasies. Quite the contrary- wait, what's the opposite for it?

So I've been getting a lot of heat from everyone around college. Other than the fact that I'm good looking, drives a car, wears red jeans, speaks sexy English, accent included (Yes, I do have an accent.), and being better in general, I don't see any reason to look at me and wishing you're me. Hmm.

Um. I felt like I've talked about this before. Oh ya. I did.

The only difference this time is there actually someone who came and talked. To sum it all up to a simpler form: "I'm with the 3 coloured obsessed family of supposedly religion (and race)-related organization which I am deeply proud of because even though it's actually should be a secret group, ala The Priory Of Sion, everyone not living under a rock knows about it and are dumb enough to be intimidated because I, allegedly have connections all over the place and I can do anything I want. Fear me."

It's the same old shit, different day.

Why can't someone says this instead; "I'm with no one. No group. No frat or whatever. I have connections but I will never use it. Ever. The connections I have is coincidentally because they are people that I know of, or the word "Friends" can also be applied and they are willing to help me if I asked for it. But I prefer to beat you up myself. And you are free to fight back. Or are you the type that needs 'connections' to come after me? If so, make sure I'm dead. For I will find you as long as I draw breath. Kill me. For your sake."

Whatever happened to Mano e Mano? Gladiatoresque duel till death? Something like Quick Draw. Even. Jousting would be fun too. And painful.

Instead, it must be 10 for 1. I'd still say bring it. But after that, it's 20 for 1. So on and so forth. That, is just vexatious. If only I'd still have emotions. This might be the part where I should be pissing my pants and feel... trepidated? I don't know. I can't remember. And it's fasting month, I'd be concentrating on eating. And eating. So bugger off. Bugger... bugger... burger... burger... oh fuck.

I was at Scene Sensation Spot during our Indie Day. And I cried, inside. Wept for humanity. Wept for the future. Absolutely nothing to do with our country though. Stood out in my Reds. Envy, everywhere. Fireworks was just meh.

Taking a break from jamming. Too hectic. As stated prior, food first. Money second? Oh, family. Yes, that.

Anyways, couple of minutes till I devour what Mom, like magic, creates Heaven On Plates and Bowls out of nothing.

I'm done.
Afan.

Remain calm and and maintain your pessimism.

2008-08-25T12:04:00.002+08:00

It's either everything is coming into place only to be taken away in the future. Or I am getting it for everything I've been through before.

Money, band, money, D60, money, red jeans, money, girls, money.

I found out as soon as I got home that the old cheque which I shall now dub it as "The Melaka Cheque" has returned. This was after a jamming session with Amir, Najat and Goddess of Voice Natra. Subsequently, 5 digits amount of money bestowed upon my ever so greedy hands. And legs. And body. And mouth. Not now, fortunately. Soon. Very. Will resist the urge to splurge and lavish it with potentially lethal act of recalcitrancy every time my vulnerable eyes sets on something- alright, no bullshit. I am just too obstreperous. I will be guilty. But it isn't actually my fault to begin with. Hah.

"Well, Mama didn't lie. But I didn't tell the truth either. You'll be thankful. I'll be expecting something from Chanel. At least." - Awesome Mom.

I shook Father's hand and said thanks. And it's not raya. He bought a me a D60. And my brother, a bike. What. The. Fuck. It was almost too hard to believe. Simply because it was he himself bought it. Nothing to do with any of my devilish schemes of convincing mom to swipe the Platinum Plastic. Now hoping that he realizes the fact that he has money to flaunt and waste and still have plenty. I want a car.

What I will hunt for; (i) (Oh fuck. I'm plagiarizing. Sorry.) An electric guitar. Finally. (ii) Multiple coloured slim fits from Zara. To make up for the facepalming I did when I saw them. A day after I bought one from Levi's. (iii) License. Hah. I can show the middle finger to the black and blue men without worrying- oh wait. (iv) More Topman. (v) Pull and Bear shoes perhaps?

In another unrelated note. I saw a girl harassed by a soft looking lala guy. I walked- but stop and turned around and glared at the guy. But decided not to do anything. Incident like this makes me feel torn inside. I couldn't care less actually. But the girl was cute and was.. teary eyed. Fuck. Oh well, their dramas.

...

Fuck.

I'm done.
Afan.

The Goddess

2008-08-24T02:56:00.003+08:00

I can now die, and not care. My life is complete.

I'm done.
Afan.

Because I'm worth it.

2008-08-18T20:32:00.002+08:00

A day that was suppose to be spent on books and other educational related stuff turned to something entirely different.

Night before was spent on owning people in Dota till 5. God damn addicting sense of being better than others made me not care about the 2.50 (!) per hour rate at the local games and internet purlieu. (Yes, cyber cafe. But there's no cafe. So I wont call it that.)

OU was the terminus ad quem. Bought the Adobe Illustrator CS3 at MPH which made me realize poor people no matter how smart can't afford education. Little brat bought Baby Blues. Mom made spontaneous purchase of Hello because Naz from The Breakfast Show got married. Oh Mom, no wonder I'm Awesome. Can't find the book for Visual Communications class though.

Cue; True agenda: White or red slim fit jeans from Topman. Zilch. Shit. Serious excogitation before a "Um. No. Lets check some other place Ma." Levi's next. I grinned cheekily. "I'll take it." A red slim fit which will make me coincidently look like Farro. The black baseball neck Topman tee will just be its perfect counterpart. Day after found out that Zara had these (multiple colours to choose to add to the fact) and I never knew. Damn it. Damn it.

Follow up; Lunch at Manhattan Fish Market, The Curve. Don't go there. Ever. Fucking egregious service. *Sigh* Being a Server means that you give your service. A good one. If you can't do that then you should get another job- oh wait. That'll require education. Oh well, stick to that then. That's the least you can do. I mean, the only thing you can do.

Got a text from Amir. Called him and he said Prob is inviting us for shisha. *Long pause, confused, what the fuck look, one brow raised, et el.* Shisha? What am I? Scene kids? But it's with friends. So it's alright. Right? Wrong. Scene kids were there and I was hurt and tired by the amount of energy used resisting the urge to tell them "You're not cool. Never will be. Oh yeah, you're not attractive too." But sharp sarcastic remarks did slip. And that I did all the time there. Najat was just so worried my pompous jerk mien would just pop out. The only best part was when it ended and we randomly got ourselves ice creams from McD's.

Pre-lame shisha event; Met Daniel Dzarfan and talked. A lot. "Maybe we can hang out more after this. I like the way you bring up a topic. It's like we can click." supervened. But not by him. But the girl with him. Nawal. Najat's cousin. Small world. The hang out was brief but a whole lot better then "I shisha therefore I am cool."

Plan to sleep at Amir's flamboyant, luxurious, borderline exorbitant house was interrupted by SS7 Elders. Another late night ownage. Still manage to sleep there the day after because class got canceled so I can stay another day. Went to OU again that day because Mark wanted a Pull and Bear shoes. Classy taste that chap has. And so there were Mark, Najat, Zuhair and Yours Truly. Basically it was Hot Guys' Day Out. Hah.

tl;dr, Awesome Weekend.

I'm done.
Afan.

So It Begins.

2008-08-11T22:36:00.003+08:00

I've been labeled a psycho.

See how messed up society is nowadays? Psychos are made after all. Not born. Don't blame me when you receive a head in a box. So there are 18 plus me. Only 3 of them actually despises me and actually thinks that I am an actual psycho. Go ahead. Try me. Out of the 14, 2 are alright with me. Out of the 12, 1 of them is actually fond of me. The other 11 are neutral towards me. (Subtle hints of making my post look sophisticated by putting various numbers. Hah.)

Oh, The 3 are guys (Malays, no surprises here). *snickers* Those who can't stand me usually means that they often think of me. Oh shit. Now I have to be worried. And I thought this is college. Leave the "talking behind my back" to those 13 year olds. Face me. I won't bite. Sissies bite. I kill.

Look, be like that Melaka guy. "I'm cool as long as you're cool." Hating someone for no reason usually means jealousy. Yes I have better fashion sense and superior English. But you're typical Malays. I bet you have good qualities too. Yes, killer sarcasm at its finest.

This is actually building up towards something Epic. I sense post-class glares and more Back Talks. Oh oh! Get girlfriends so I can seduce them with my Awesomeness and more dramas will occur. Gold. Just gold. You ended up hating the wrong guy.

I'll never get tired of this.

Here we go again.

I'm done.
Afan.

Suddenly They're Everywhere.

2008-08-11T11:01:00.015+08:00

I felt... like a pimp. Someone hot. Et el.

They're coming from everywhere. Weird. Very. Yes, obviously contributed by the fact that I moved on. That only now I am realizing this makes me want to just tilt my head and ponder "What. The. Fuck?"

So now it's different. Very different. I went to my dreaded old school last Saturday. And wow. Just wow. I feel like getting my arse up and dance to Kool and The Gang's "Celebration" or any other moral-boosting, uplifting tunes. Numerous scenarios happened.

Scenario #1: Went to look for Kiddo to verbally abuse her. Found her, didn't have the heart to do it. Am emotionless after all. And she didn't notice I was there either. So forget about it. Walked to the D Block because them blokes wanted to go into the "Haunted House". Fucking lame, I know. Saw her coming from afar and told the others "Look at her, she wouldn't even notice I exist." She waved and pulled back a smile, proceeded to change to a somewhat intimidated look because I didn't wave nor smile back. Proven wrong. Long time since that happened. The day after. Texted her and apologized. Another thing that I haven't done for such a long time. Am I changing? *scoffs* Blasphemy.

Scenario #2: The Love. The Cause. The Girl. The One. Ok now, read those back but in past tense. If possible. Yup. Izyan Syairah was there. Still couldn't look at her without feeling like being stabbed through the heart. It's alright then. Just avoid her. "Hi Afan, today is my birthday. Wish me. =)"She caught me off guard. That's my head at that time. So she kicked me for not responding and she might have hurt herself. Amir and Asvin thought I was being an ass. Oh well. Called her later that night because of Mark's insistence. "Hey, sorry about earlier. I hope you understand but I know you don't. Anyways, happy birthday. Bye." Another apology? All in a period of 2 days? Goodness gracious. Oh well, I felt great the moment I hung up. Celebrate good times come on~

Scenario #3: "Hey, you'll play. I'll sing." Because I'm random and Awesome like that. So while practicing. I notice a girl noticing me. Liyana. So after my random performance. I looked for her and we talked and walked and flirted. Flirt? I don't do that. But I did. This is just getting freaky. Oh, performed with ETDF (Eyes To Die For) Teri.

Scenario #4: Something insignificant rather. I saw Azri and shook and mock hugged him. Randomly, a girl (found out it was Nadhirah's sister) said "Only hugging him? What about me?" What's the fuck? What the fucks? What the fucked?

Scenario #5: Went to OU and met with my 1 day girlfriend Huwaida. Because I was just having a blast earlier that day, I abrogated my plans on ditching her and stood her up if she's not what I expect (Read: Ugly). And she wasn't what I expected but I still went on. Turns out she's as interesting as a retarded mute. Yes offense. The only good thing about it was when it ended.

Which brings me to Scenario #6: I had to find a way to get back to KJ because Fat Mute decided not to give me her phone to text Asvin and Brown Eyes. So they left first. Dumb girl. Fortunately, I bumped into Zan and Amirul. I talked to Zan. It was such a relief. She said she's not ignoring or avoiding me. And she gave me a ride back. Thank you.

Apologies and now appreciativeness? No. I'm still Awesome. But maybe I don't have to be a pompous prick all the time? Heh. Ludicrous. That is all.

I'm done.
Afan.

It's just glorified tuition classes.

2008-08-11T09:17:00.002+08:00

Except we pay more. Or less, exampli gratia: Amirul and so many others lads and lasses in MARA (boo).

I don't see the big deal. Maybe I just can't. Glad I didn't look forward to it. So basically, I come to class, classes are around 3-5 (five!) hours long. But it was the first week and only 3 (skipped one, what?) lecturers actually show up.

Social related stuff; I am simply not gregarious. Kidding. It is merely a facade. Trying to build up the "Mysterious, quiet, kind of (kind of?) hot image." I'm still de facto- wait. I am that, 100% bona fide. Exception for 2 or maybe 3 at max, manipulation purpose only. Nothing more. An asthmatic, pot-bellied, typical nerdy rich kid. A year older emo-influenced guy that has a bike in case Laziness visits (Which is always). A quite pleasingly pretty eyed, cute faced girl. Dainty.

Thank Heavens everyone, so far, seems to have forgotten those God awful de rigueur on attire. Be as frippery as I want too. Dockers' brown corduroy jacket. Various Topman baseball neck tees. Newly bought cardigan. Tight-fit Levi's. Anything. Name it. Now hair, grow. Grow damn it.

One thing interesting. Eye-catching to be precise. Elyana's (yeah, that one) sister, goes there too. People have said she's a stuck up. Perfect. This is a challenge, I got 3 years.

What else? Um. Oh ya, more free money which I don't actually need. So it's always spent on something stupidly worthless. But then again, life's filled with that.

From kid, to teenager. From school, to college. Notice a pattern? Yeah, life gets worse. What comes after this? Work. Adult. I rest my case. It is when I do nothing with my life is when I feel something- Wait. Must. Stay. On. Topic.

Oh, topic's over.

I'm done.
Afan.

The One

2008-08-05T07:03:00.003+08:00

At 6:54 A.M. on a Tuesday morning, fifth of August of the year 2008. I randomly stumbled upon something that saved me, changed me. A poster on a mainly, usually video game related message board posted a message in a topic he created which was titled "The One":

"There is no such thing. There is no girl that is perfect for you. No girl is perfect. Girls are people too. There is no one that you will immediately fall in love with. There are people that you are more compatible with, but as in all relationships, ones with girls require work. There is no fairy tale romance. There are no Hollywood endings. It does no one any good for you to put these unrealistic expectations on your significant other and your relationship.

She is a person. She has flaws. Not recognizing this is not healthy. Don't place her on a pedestal. She's a person like you and I. Don't expect to be in love at first sight. Don't assume because you suddenly get the warm fuzzies for a girl that she's the one. You will screw up good relationships and opportunities chasing this fancy. Girls are just like you and me. They have faults like you and me. Being with them is a lot like being friends with a guy. Relax and realize this. Once you stop chasing that unreal dream that you have you'll be able to open your eyes and see what is right in front of you."

Izyan Syairah, finally.

I'm done.
Afan.

Worse Than AIDS

2008-08-03T00:11:00.003+08:00

Someone would rather die than be diagnosed with STD.

There are two kinds of diseases. One that kills. That's the better one. And the other doesn't. But you're better off dead. Need I say more?

A new kind of disease has been discovered. More of a plague I'd say. It's spreading rapidly. Not many even know that it exists. And the ones affected, don't even know that they have it. It doesn't even have an official name. It is able to evolve to a stronger form without warning. Only 2% of the human population is immune to it. The end of the world is near as we know it.

Lack of exposure to The Awesome. The known source for this nefarious pestilence. Though we, the unaffected, don't know why, where, how, it permeates into those unfortunate victims. If you are reading this though, there's a high probability that you are not infected.

Kids. The most vulnerable. Young and clueless. Dumb is more like it. Without proper guidance they would easily be afflicted. Blogs, gigs, concerts, clubs, parties, if you see any kid in it, they're one of them. Goths, punks, rempits, and anything analogous is also a symptom. Even cheerleaders.

Yes, cheerleaders. One of the newly discovered calamity. Those fake smiles are ugly. The over emotionality is just preposterous. And it was still tolerable when only le femmes do it. But now, guys too? It breaks my heartless heart. And that is quite a noteworthy feat.

October this year, I foresee The Disease (fancy names are belligerent) will gain new strength. KAMI the Movie would be the Unholy Provenance. Oh the downfall, the chaos, the horror. Am not vacillant to kill.

We Awesomes are vastly outnumbered. We are their hope.

I am The Cure.

I'm done.
Afan.

(tl;dr version: People doing things to look cool= I hate)

They Are Back

2008-07-28T07:20:00.002+08:00

Part ecstatic, part sad. Yeah, as if.

No more driving freely. No more sleeping the whole day. And classes starts next week. What have I done to myself? *sigh*

But it isn't just bad things that are happening. Mom bought me a whole lot of heavenly stuff. And my hair had to be cut- Wait. That's the worst thing that has happened so far. Damn it. The one thing that I can keep without worrying whether it would leave. It didn't. It was taken. One more reason to become more of an ass than I already am. So don't blame me. Blame your idiotic so called protocol. I rather call it "Trying to show that I have temporary power over you and plus you have that face that makes me want to be jealous of you." Fuck. You.

I skipped 2 days of orientation. 3 more left. Orientation; the most atrocious thing in the world. I even think of it as just downright flagitious. (Funny, Mozilla can't recognize the word flagitious.) And it's a Malay thing. I'm sure Uitm also has this abominable activity. Sitting in halls, mouth gaping imbeciles, lame jokes included, grouped with random strangers, and perform series of pointless 'character building' activities which will always involve eggs, flour, soy sauce, clapping, stomping singing and dancing.

And to wear the hideous jacket every single time? Why? Why do they persist on making everyone look the same? While others blinded and deafened by their own cheering and laughing. I, I just feel a heavy air of melancholy. I will never be a part of this. Don't even try and think you can make me. A personal sanctuary in the form of concretes and metals located at the rooftop is my getaway with those paper wrapped tobacco as company. I can feel better there than being checked out by girls (many hearts will break). Speaking of which, either I don't notice or they don't exist. The non-ugly ones of course.

Goddamn it. I was suppose to list down all the things mom bought. Instead this post went astray. The title is misleading now.

Well then, mom bought;

1. Things that you can only dream of having.

End list.

I'm done.
Afan.

A Guy Made Me Vulnerable

2008-07-22T14:25:00.003+08:00

Saturday. Was at Asvin's house. Just chilling. Feeling rather uneasy. "You know what we should do? Go to the Pasar Malam. *giggle*" Asvin suggested. Alright then.

Came back to his house. Amir, Mark and Zuhair was there.

Then Mark wanted to smoke. I followed. A simple "Feels like I haven't seen you for a while. When was the last time I saw you?" led to series of conversations that I never thought I would talk about with anyone. Let alone a guy.

Vulnerable. I was human for a while. And Mark was there. Listening to everything. Thanks Mark.

Who's Mark?

Mark is nice, hot, and has Boo for a last name. Awesome? Indeed.

I'm done.
Afan.

Random Reviews

2008-07-17T22:39:00.003+08:00

It was brilliant. Left me astonishingly awed. The same feeling I felt when the highly (deservedly) overrated Marié performed. Or when Lampard scored the out-of-nothing goal against the Catalans. Et al.

Memento. One of the best. Ever. Why is it that movies about memories are always Awesome? Be it erasing it or having short-term for it. Even 50 First Dates was good. Another thing in common; scruffy looking men equals sexy looking men (Guy Pearce. Never heard of him before this. Silly me). This movie isn't for the slow (Read: Idiots) either. That's another plus right there.

Or is it because of Nolan? The Prestige was also undeniable great. Ignoring the fact that it has Christian Bale in it. I'm starting to think he should just make a movie about sexy men being sexy. I sound like Myra. *le sigh*

Also watched; Love Actually. Full of bullshit. Sweet. But bullshit. Though Keira looked stunning in it. (Something about female finally.) And Bill Nighy was just gold. "Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free". Other than that, this movie just makes me cringe. Yes I'm a bitter man who thinks love stories in movies are what makes people deluded and stupid.

On to the movie with the misleading but wicked score. Honestly, people would expect knights on horses charging into battles when hearing it. Watched it at first because it has Leto in it. (Goddamn it I want his eyes) Thought it was a horror movie too. Thank God it wasn't. And who would've thought drug consuming can be depicted so stylishly?

I want to do drugs now.

*Remembers the ending*

Maybe not.

I'm done.
Afan.

Rich Not Famous. For Now. Yet.

2008-07-16T15:04:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling superb. Not that I've felt something else other than that. But this time it's different. Because the fact that parents are away to UK leaving the house (and cars and cash) to me. I'm living the best life so far. Though it'll be short-lived. But at least I get to live the life of those enviable rich kids. Though already am a rich kid. So I rephrase: Living the unrestricted life of being rich.

Wake up whenever I feel like. Not to the sound of father's voice feels different. But great nonetheless. After that, do whatever I want. Because dad left money for me. Which is quite surprising. He's usually very very cheap. So what is given, I use. The best part about this is the car. Cars. Pardon. Mom's Kia Rio, dad's Peugeot 307 or the Mercedes (though it's quite old so I rarely use it. But the rims are just Awesomely... shiny. Or maybe even Eldest Brother's Wira. Just kidding. Wira? Heh.

Then the cash left. Getting bored of eating out. And Eldest always comes and cooks superb food. And I am just naturally incapable of doing mindless shopping. Not a female. But I have bought inutile stuffs that would garner scolding and lecture from Mom if she finds out. But I like the feeling of using my own- alright maybe not my own money but it still comes out of my pocket. Bought a new red colored wallet (leather of course) from Marks & Spencer by the way. Oh, it seems I am capable of mindless shopping. Hah. To pay for things I don't usually pay for like groceries, parking tickets, fuel, and whatnots. I feel so adult-like.

Feel like spending money on clothes and accessories . But I rather wait for what Mom would buy. Fingers crossed for her to buy me some luxurious goods. (Anything LV, Guy Laroche, Bvlgari, Versace, Gucci, Chanel, Prada, Burberry, Armani, YSL, Dior, Ck, Hugo Boss, D&G, Fendi, or Escada would be nice.) Heh. Who am I kidding? I just need Topman, Dockers, maybe Zara and Levi's and I'm set. And those, by the way, are something that I listed out of random. I don't care what I wear. Yeah right.

Entertainment wise; hanging out till late, wasting money on nothing, endless supply of cigarettes. Still no drugs, no alcohol, and no sex. I'm a saint. *scoff*

Envy me.

I'm done.
Afan.

I lost.

2008-07-10T22:57:00.006+08:00

The more I read, the less I feel like typing.

I thought I was the superlative epitome of Awesomeness. Proven wrong. She is undoubtedly more Awesome than I can ever be. No, that wasn't a typo. Stop rubbing your eyes. It's a girl. There's always a girl.

At first, she was just as Awesome. But that is actually called denial. I am clearly beaten. Now losing the will to fight. Though I don't actually ever had one to begin with. Laziness prevails.

A more grandiose lexicon, poetically sexy, an even more powerful aura, and a female to top it all. I just can't vie.

I am just absolutely utterly flabbergasted. But like every other feeling, it will only take three seconds before I neatly tuck it in in the "Kay. So?" nook in me. Though this time it may have lasted a tad bit longer.

Well I guess it's true then. "Behind a great man there is a woman smirking and scoffing with a face that says "Is that it?"

Now I'm smirking. Like a villain that discovered the protagonist's weakness. I just remembered an important information: She, as according to Amal, who has allegedly met her in real life (so this information is quite legit), is the complete opposite of what she is here. 'Here' being ze interweb. Either couldn't or wouldn't. Here's hoping for the former.

I still have an advantage. *Watches as said advantage becomes obsolete as she effortlessly displays unfathomable amount of Awesomeness.*

Oh well.

I'm done.
Afan.

Copypasta.

2008-07-10T20:52:00.002+08:00

Because using the word déjà vu is clichéd now. Never thought something as absurd would happen to myself. Again. Though it hasn't, it's surely building up to that.

Like always, it starts with a girl. There's always a girl. There was and now there is again. Randomly and out of nowhere gets 'close'? Done that. The girl confiding with me about everything? Check. Comes from a rich family? This is getting freaky. Overprotective mom? Coincidence, hopefully. Late night hours long phone calls? Everybody does that... right? Willing to risk so much just to see me? *gulps* And finally, this was the part that says "You're in a horror movie! Fate wants you dead for the things you have done ASAP!":

The exact same cellphone.

Well that didn't turn out to be as dramatic as I hoped it would.

I'm going tweak the story this time and we'll see how things would turn out.

And no. I would not have sex this time around. Ugh, regret is nothing but a dull blade that stabs you multiple times while oddly having a mouth that is unceasingly laughing hysterically at your face-palmed self.

*Sigh*

I'm done.
Afan.

Eternal Fire of The Heart's Desire

2008-07-06T13:06:00.002+08:00

Yes, the title is a ripoff from that fantastic movie.

I want that to happen to me. The memory erasing part of course. Not the finding your soul mate by fate and having an Awesome relationship for 2 years and being the happiest man alive. Oh wait.

The Eternal Fire has been burning in my heart for the last 6 years. But it's not lighting up my life. Just... burning me alive. It hurts.

I want the flames to be extinguished and replaced with something as simple as a florescent light that can be turned on and off with a flick of a switch. Or better yet: Phosphorescence. I don't have to worry when things go dark.

Things aren't going so well though with every single female that I know leaving me for God knows why. Zuliana's still here. For now. Oh and Elle too. Wait, there's Didi and Nana and new girl Amal.

...

Should I still feel like crap?

I'm going to smirk now.

I'm done.
Afan.

Road Trip.

2008-07-03T23:17:00.004+08:00

Took the car and drove. And drove. And drove. And drove. Without a destination. Without a purpose. A literal getaway. I needed one. Malaysian highway; palm oil trees, rubber trees, forests, etceteras, all way long. It was bland but it helped cleared the mind. A psuedo-hypnotic therapy. Volume of the radio constantly changed if the songs were apt.

Didn't stop, didn't rest, didn't slow down.

A sexy voice belonging to a women snapped me out of my weird but calm, zen-like state. "Warning. Insufficient fuel. Please proceed to the nearest gas station." She repeated herself 3 times before I pushed the 'OK' button.

The screen of the GPS indicates I was somewhere in a place called Skudai. To be honest I don't know where that is until I googled it. "I'm in Johor?"

Tank and stomach refilled. Next stop: A beach. Yes a, anywhere would do. Entered the euphoric state once more. But not a full one. Needed to keep an eye on the signboard.

Port Dickson. *Sigh* It'll do. The sunset was great though. Enjoy- well at least tried to enjoy every second.

Realized I didn't miss anyone. Good thing? Absolutely.

All and all, it was superb. Extemporaneous. I should do it more often. Everyone should.

I'm done.
Afan.

Get a restraining order.

2008-06-30T00:01:00.003+08:00

*Sigh*

You just can't do that to me. It's just... wrong. I just can't think about anything except just sigh and sigh and sigh.

Pray that we don't meet each other ever again. If we do, I will kill you.

*Sigh*

I'm done.
Afan.

Electrify.

2008-06-17T01:25:00.003+08:00

Awesome, Win, Class, Poise, Quality, Maturity, and whatever other synonyms of these words the thesaurus can offer.

The Most Awesome Girl Ever. She exists. Another Entity of Awesome. Not a bloody Rock Goddess though. Highly fashionable, posh, a la mode, stylish Goddess is more like it.

There are just too many reasons why she is Awesome. More Awesome than me? *very very very long pause.*

Honestly unable to answer that. But her Awesomeness is acknowledged without the slightest doubt.

Amazingly odd that her existence wasn't discovered sooner. Good sign actually. It means the world is just filled with Awesome Beings out there. And with that, the comeback of a feeling that has long been derelict and bereft; Hope.

I just realized I couldn't finish this one. Mere words can't describe her. 17th of June was when I started to write this. Now it's 22nd of July.

So I just decided to just end it like this.

I'm done.
Afan.

The one that got me. Not.

2008-06-13T00:48:00.002+08:00

From: (He's alright in my book. So it's to be kept hidden.)
To: afans_90@hotmail.com
Subject: Just stop. You're making a fool of yourself.

I know what you're doing. You're just a maddox wannabe. You write like him, post hate mails, and think you're the best thing since sliced bread. It's so obvious. So just stop what you're doing. At least maddox is original. You're not. That's just sad. You can do so much in life by the way. Like a journalist or something. Don't waste time doing this.

There's so much error in this one. Not grammatically though.

Anyways, the reply:

Maddox and I are different. He's another kind of Awesome. It just so happens we're both Awesome. Awesome people think alike. I'm not trying to be him. I'm a bloody Rock God. He's a Pirate. That alone explains a lot. You think I'm doing this for life? Not really. Even a bloody Rock God gets bored. I'm already a freelance journalist by the way. And I waste my time all the time. Yet I still have so many. You sir, don't sound like an idiot. I thank you for that. Good day.

There's still hope in humanity.

I'm done.
Afan.

Another one.

2008-06-13T00:03:00.003+08:00

Free time. Here's another idiot in denial.

From: anonymous (He managed to hide the address. Smart move. But I still got you. Prick)
To: afans_90@hotmail.com
Subject: Your a Loser with a capital L.

Yes. Your a complete loser in life. Your just a whiny kid who doesn't have a life. So you go on hate everyone and post a blog about it. I read all your posts and I can conclude that you're just trying to sound smart because you were probably bullied in school. I bet you were sexually abused when you were a kid to. You act tough but in real life, your just a bitch aren't you? You don't even have a picture of you in here. To scared people might come and beat you up? I thought so. Now go ahead and die. What? Your gonna make all of your so called 'fans' spam me with junk e-mails? lol internet's not my life. I could care less. FUCK OFF LOSER!

*Sigh*

My reply:

Name calling sure makes you look mature. Hate everyone? Correction there. I look down on almost everyone. I'm a bit confused here. Are you sure you're a hater? You said you have read ALL my posts. Why thank you. Looks like you really have a life reading all my posts instead of doing something that benefits everyone. For example, choking yourself. And by what I've seen, you're trying to sound smart. With the apostrophes and capital letters and periods and whatnots. Kudos. Oh wait, it's you're you imbecile. And oh, know when to use too instead of to alright genius? Real smart there. Bullied? I'm pretty sure the opposite happened. Wait. Um. Yup. I'm sure of that. Sexually abused? Ran out of witty materials I see. Act tough? Like what you're doing here right now? Sending 'scary' e-mail? Now I'm convinced you're a fan. You want a picture of me. That's nice. Scared of people finding me as you put it. Yup. That's why I have my name and my e-mail and the place I always hang out and where I work posted. I'm frightened alright. Now I just think you're an attention whore. Openly announcing people to spam you. My Awesome people don't need to do that. I already know where you live. I think I'll have a chat with my number one stalker (That'll be you by the way). Internet's not your life but porn is according to sites you frequently visit. Surprised? That's just how Awesome this bloody Rock God is. Be honoured though for this Rock God spent a little time on a petty being like you.

(Update: I was right. He bought me a cup of coffee and told me that he wished he can be like me. The ridiculousness of people sometimes are just so indescribably indescribable.)

I'm done.
Afan.

Pinoys are gay.

2008-06-04T05:56:00.004+08:00

Both homosexual and happy. It's just astounding.

But alas, it's always the same reason why humans are happy. Denial.

Most of them sing and dance and joke and laugh with everyone. It only took a cigarette for me to find out that they actually have a lot of reason to be sad about.

Rodel, the bartender. Speaks little English. One of the more quiet Pinoys. Turns out he has a wife (Not married, just lives together. As he put it.) back in the Philippines. Turns 27 this year. Been together with her living partner (Fiancee. he suddenly changed the status.) for 6 years. 6 years? Perfectly normal here. Except for the fact they're living in a freaking different country. Sad. And his pay is way too little compared to mine. Double whammy there.

I wouldn't go in detail to each and every single one. It's all the same basically. Merry on the outside. Contrary on the inside.

But still, they're so much better than those other typical races here.

And with the presence of the bloody Rock God. They might become the first ever Awesome Race.

I'm done.
Afan.

Buano Sera.

2008-06-02T02:43:00.008+08:00

I have to get use to that form of greeting. I have a job now. Nothing fancy. Italiannies. One Utama. New Wing. 1st Floor.

Now, the reasons.

First thing's first. Sometimes I stoop down to lower level beings just because I can. Though I realize it, I would never be touched by how nice commoners are actually or whatever and get rid of my God-complex. Not a fucking Disney movie.

Can't stand the hell hole that is Shah Alam. Well, to me it is. My opinion is, for the first time ever, slightly thwarted. Solely because The Most Awesome Girl Ever (soon to be blogged about by the way) lives there. From nothingness to sheer Awesomeness. Shah Alam escalated. By just one Awesome Girl. Not to say me being there didn't make it Awesome. Just didn't had time to Spread The Awesome.

The old man can't stand it. He wants me out so I got out. Obedient son, I am.

Everyone knows everything associated with Italy are just automatically cool. Italian cars, Italian food, Venice, and now me, Britsh-accented Italian Malay. The uniform just screams 'Armani model for hire'.

Money.

Met new people (race) too. Yes, expect a blog about it soon.

Not going to work here forever mind you. Starting college soon. 17 years of age, but able to constantly change lifestyle.

I'm just undeniably Awesome.

I'm done.
Afan.

Get it right.

2008-05-28T08:56:00.005+08:00

I must clarify this once again.

There is an obvious difference.

I'm not a racist.

I'm a narcissist.

A megalomaniac.

An elitist.

I maybe even have a slight God complex in me.

"Ok... but what does it mean lol?" I'm sure that's in your head now.

It means even if you're a rainbow coloured freak, if I think you're an idiot, you're an idiot. And I hate idiots. Simple as that.

Alright?

Right.

Good.

Now go away.

I'm done.
Afan.

Hate mail.

2008-05-27T14:31:00.006+08:00

I am completely bored right so I will now do something desultory.

I present to you a random hate (Read: closeted fan) mail. I would've given my first but I already deleted it because it wasn't interesting anyways.

Random Hate Mail #1
From: *********@hotmail.com (Update: He asked for his e-mail to be removed because I found out where he lived. Plus he said his myspace got hacked by a friend/fan of mine.)
To: afans_90@hotmail.com
Subject: TAK SEDAR DIRI!!!

bodoe punye melayu!! bajet org puteh plak die... x yah nak belajgak la sial.. igt ko ckp bi dh ckup bgs la sgt??! nie sume angkare dr m la nie... skg tgk bdak2 mude tak knal bangse sendiri!!!! ko baek gie mati je la bodoe!!

To which I replied:

You definitely can't speak English, but it seems you don't speak Malay too. It was quite hard to understand but I'm going to try and reply all your points here.

- I think you're saying that I'm a Malay that thinks that I'm a white person? Well, with Malays like you around, being black is better than being a Malay. (I don't have anything against blacks mind you. Not yet at least)

-Because I type and speak in English you think that I'm better than you? I am. Thank you for pointing that out.

-Dr M would be Mahathir I assume. You blame him for me being a narcissistic elitist? He's the reason for many things that has happened to this country. We all should be thank him you idiot. Unfortunately he has become senile now. Poor guy.

-I don't know my own race? I do. But again, people like you can explain everything.

There, my best attempt at deciphering your message. Now go ride your bike and do all those stunts that you're so proud of. Hit a wall while you're at it. By the way, one exclamation mark is enough you piece of trash.

Suprisingly, he replied back.

owh u think i canot speak bi ar?? i can say if i wan!!! u not so smart la stupidd... fuck u asshole bitch!!

This made me smile actually. Again proven right. Though I already know that I'm always right. So I just sent a smiley and said thank you to him.

But I am just profound and flabbergasted at the thought of someone like him was actually reading my blog. And understood it. Maybe he had a translator. Someone I know must've linked me. Seriously didn't expect it.

Haters. Keep them coming. You guys amuse me.

I'm done.
Afan.

Shut up.

2008-05-27T14:11:00.003+08:00

I claim to be an excellent writer. Well, I am. But sometimes, when I read other people's work, I'd be like "There are better people than me? Woah. Nothing is impossible after all."

But I can't deny the fact that there are better people than me.

I will now work hard and try my best to be the best. *Serious face with eyes glittering and chest puffed.*

No. I wasn't serious. It's too much of a hassle. Yeah they are better people. Good thing I couldn't care less. There is actually no definitive way to determine the best. So why bother. Except maybe you have bragging rights. But most people are just too nice to brag. How boring. I have other stuff that I can brag about anyways.

Be the best. Whatever. I still have my Awesomeness and that is something that everyone can only dream of having. No, not even in their dreams. They can just wish for it. Be careful for what you wish for because you know you wont get what you want and that will suck.

I'm done.
Afan.

I'm as innocent as cancer.

2008-05-26T22:41:00.003+08:00

I couldn't or rather wouldn't bother to think of any other way to solve this. Whether you want to do the same or not I don't care. But don't ever try and talk about all that you've done for me or whatever. Yes I'm ungrateful. Oh you didn't know? Well, tough luck.

Now I've decided to just ignore you. It's for the best. For both of us. Seriously.

After all, you do see me as someone below you. Even below normal human standard actually. With all the insults and whatnot. Which I really didn't mind by the way. No point of getting wind up for something like that. Petty words are useless against me. I don't listen to people like you. Come to think about it, I don't listen to anyone.

But being a narcissist, being looked down on is just awkward and ironic. Intolerable. And for that, you must be removed.

If you are that ignorant and you just can't see that I'm ignoring you, I... don't care actually. It'll be really funny seeing you talking to someone who wouldn't hear or even look at you. Just don't be a typical imbecile and get angry cause I stopped realizing you exist. I'm sure you're better than that.

This is it then Matsam. To think that I actually think of you as a friend once is really making me feel nauseated. I hope for your sake you feel the same. Or even better, I hope you never did actually consider me a friend. Because you told me once that friendship to you is an important thing, a holy bond that must be preserved, special connection that mustn't be severed. So if you did, this will suck. Not to me though. Good thing I'm heartless.

From now on, as far as I'm concerned, you are erased. Vanished. Gone. Not even a memory. Completely out of my life.

You don't exist to me anymore.

And for your own sake, do the same.

I'm done.
Afan.

Once again they have proven.

2008-05-22T17:50:00.003+08:00

Nothing. Nothing that shows they are better.

It all comes down to luck. Hit the woodwork 2 times. A blatant penalty should have been given but Joey wasn't like a certain sissy diving nonce. Came the penalty and out of all the thing can happen, Terry slipped. Slipped. That's just unlucky right there.

Devastated. Utterly gutted. Heartbroken. But yet, I still can't see them as being better. Being dominant for the majority of the game was still not enough. That stroke of luck, or misfortune in this case, decided it all.

And before you pricks want to brag about winning the League too. Let me just say we missed almost half of our team for a quarter of the season because of the African Nations Cup, had a crisis with Jose being fired and all and got someone barely known thrown in to replace him, and yet you only managed to edge us by a mere 2 points margin. Champions? You're having a laugh.

Somethings are just not meant to be but if you nobheads just take off your blindfold you'll see that we're just better than you. You can't deny that. You can try but then you'll look like an obvious idiot.

I'm done.
Afan.

Good day.

2008-05-20T18:57:00.003+08:00

It's back.

I'm alive again.

I can piss people off again.

I can make people hate me but still wont cause they can't do anything about it again.

I can show everyone that I'm always right and others are just in denial again.

The Awesome One returns again.

I'm done.
Afan.

I'm getting too old for this.

2008-05-18T22:11:00.004+08:00

Went to the Sri Aman's Battle Of The Bands. First thought when I entered the hall; "Chairs? What kind of BotB is this? *Sigh* Kids."

So I was absolutely bored because there weren't any mosh pits and stuff. I even told the kids in front of me to start one but they were just too lame. The result? A supposedly rock show where people sat and cheered? And the cheers weren't even loud. I can hear more noise in a funeral. Kids these days are just too nice and well, kiddy. I'm so disappointed.

After several performances, which in my opinion and we all know my opinion is indeed fact, they all sucked. Messy, sucky, unprofessional, I can go on but it'll be like reiterating the same thing.

The actual reason the show sucked was because the crowd were 12 year old kids.

Then the 10 minute break came. I went out and saw Ajim and Snow. Finally, familiar faces. Went back in and then the crowd decided to have a mosh pit. Now just imagine me facepalming myself. Oh well, finally something interesting to do.

Everything didn't actually went as I hoped to be. I joined the mosh, song finishes, went out to catch my breath, left toe bleeding, broked a nail, neck aching, felt like vomiting. I thought it was because I didn't eat anything at all that day. Nothing wrong there then.

No mosh pits after that anymore though because the teacher thought we were worshipping Satan. But the final performance from Another Generic Indie Band did made a mosh pit formed again. It was the final performance so who the fuck cares anymore. There I was then, in the mosh pit. Going crazy and purposely hurting people. Mind went blank but body kept moving.

Song ends. Show ends. Went to Ajim's car. The moment I sat down, those feelings described prior to this was aggrandized. Finally I realize, I'm getting too old for this.

But I'm not saying that will stop me. In fact, I'm more pumped now. Nobody can defy me. Not even myself. So to challenge myself would be the greatest thing to do. If opposing someone, might as well aim the optimal, the superlative, the unsurpassed, the top, the crÃ¨me de la crÃ¨me, the best itself. In this case, yours truly.

So then Me, Me with the aging body, bring it.

I'm done.
Afan.

Sad day.

2008-05-18T21:56:00.003+08:00

I died. I'm dead. Yup. Hmm. Why do I hear fireworks and joyous music? Whatever.

The worst thing has happened to me; NO INTERNET CONNECTION.

Yes, I am quite dependant on it. So without it, I'm kind of lost. Now I'm at the freaking 2.50 per hour cyber cafe. 2 freaking 50. Shows how desperate I am.

So to all my fans and haters (closeted fans actually). Stay tuned. I'll be back soon. Hopefully. Speaking of which, I have this story about a fan. But I'm not going to tell you now. Why? Because I don't feel like telling it now.

I'm done.
Afan.

Looks and Lucks

2008-05-13T21:01:00.002+08:00

Those are what matters. Those are the most important things in life. Not education. Not money. Obviously not being nice to everyone. Nope.

Anyone can make it if you have these two with you. Sometimes one of them is already adequate. To 'make it' obviously means to not fail in life.

The latter L word is actually the first one you'll have to have in your life. The irony here is, you can't just have it. You can't earn it too. You've to be blessed with it. So now take your time and ask yourself if you're blessed with it. Yes? Good. I envy you and I wish bad things will happen to you. No? Well then, it really sucks to be you and I wouldn't want to be you.

But wait, all hope is not yet lost. The other L word can save you from failing in life. And nowadays, people can actually have it instead of naturally given. But it's like cheating then. Well, you do what you have to do. If you have this in your life, naturally or not, you're definitely not screwed but it doesn't mean you're going to make it too. It depends if you know how to use it. But basically you're in the safe zone. So now I alway try to make people realize that they have it so might as well use it. And well, no people with this, no matter how bad their state of life is, they still can say "Oh well, I'm still attractive. Are you?"

So people without these 2 then... I'm sorry. There's nothing anyone can do. That's the first time I've ever been sorry. I should get rid of it. Such a disgusting feeling. People with both of these though, well, I can't say anything except be very jealous unless they're someone I know.

What do I have then? Have a look at me and go figure out yourself. One thing's for sure I'm really thankful I don't look like you.

I'm done.
Afan.

Actual Reason.

2008-05-12T15:59:00.002+08:00

Shades or sunglasses makes you look somewhat slightly attractive. Ever wondered why?

Simple, it covers 50% or less of your face. The less you, the better. Here's an idea then; Paper bag. Go figure.

But if people like me wears shades, it doubles the attractiveness. Yes, life isn't fair. Deal with it.

Oh by the way, a mask works wonders too.

I'm done.
Afan.

Awesome Mom.

2008-05-12T15:23:00.003+08:00

If there's a person I wouldn't look down on, it would be my mother. After all, she did do the single most awesome thing a person can do: giving birth to me.

She, for being the mother to me, has her own way of being awesome.

I'll try and make a list of her awesomeness. Though, being the Awesome One myself, I know that awesomeness can't be measured with a mere list of facts or numbers. Only an awesome person will know how awesome another awesome person is. Awesome ain't it?

Anyways, here goes:

Awesome Deed #1: Like previously mentioned, giving birth to me. Raising me up with unconditional Awesome and yeah, love.

Awesome Deed #2: Married a rich ass and successful man because she knows that awesome people don't need to earn anything they want (though she could if she wanted to) but are given anything they want.

Awesome Deed #3: Gives anything that I want. Because she can.

Awesome Deed #4: Bails me out from anything. Because she can.

Awesome Deed #5: Able to cook anything and makes it taste awesome. Because she can.*

Awesome Deed #6: Being awesome.

(*note: I am 100% sure that nobody else is better. No, not your mom for sure. Not anyone. No I don't need to prove it. I'm always right.)

There you go. A little bit about my mother. Maybe you think I'm writing all of this because she's my mother so of course I'll write nice things about her. That's where you're wrong. She's my mother and she's more awesome than any other mother. That's why she deserves it.

Oh. I just found out that I'm writing this the day after Mother's Day. Interesting. I don't actually remember This Day or That Day simply because it's just another day but people sure just want to try to make their unawesome lives more interesting so they name those days. But I'll make an exception for my mother. So starting from next year, no I'm still not going to remember Mother's Day but there'll be a day that I shall call Awesome Day. That's for my mother and I and whoever I feel worth to celebrate with. That is if I feel like celebrating. Awesome people don't celebrate.

We are the celebration.

I'm done.
Afan.

Malays scored a point. Wow?

2008-05-12T15:00:00.005+08:00

It's not something to be proud of. Idiots.

From now on, I'm keeping track of stupid things stupid people do. We'll see which race is the worst. Why? Because I can.

Current score:

Malays: 1
Indians: 0
Chinese: 0
Others: 0

This is because yesterday a Malay cab driver were simply showing what typical Malays are like. So uncivilized. So idiotic. I'm just so ashamed.

Here's what happened. A guy, people say that he's my brother but I don't consider him one and never will, was asked by my mother to pick me up at KJ. And when we were at the highway heading towards Shah Alam, a simple misunderstanding which made the person that picked me up honked the cab. Well then the cab driver felt the urge to show that he's a bloody Malay and started harassing our car in the middle of the busy road. I just sighed and shake my head in disbelief. I would've just killed the guy. That would be much easier. Too bad killing idiots are still considered as a crime. =/

So there you go, Malays leading the "Worst Race Ever" league.

From now, when people ask me if I'm a Malay, I'll gladly deny it. To hell with tradition and heritage. I'm too awesome to be acquainted with those Malays.

Don't start smiling yet you Chinese and Indians. I'm going to catch you red handed doing something stupid. I just know it. After all, you are human. Which makes me so indescribably disappointed. I wish I wasn't even human at all. Oh wait, I'm not.

I'm a bloody Rock God.

I'm done.
Afan.

Music.

2008-05-08T17:01:00.002+08:00

It's not that important to me. But sometimes I do need it. I listen to everything. Most of the time I prefer singing rather than listening. But some are just not meant to be created in the first place. Things like, Linkin Park, Simple Plan, My Chemical Romance, Nickelback, Daughtry, those crap 'gangsta' hip-hop whatever, etceteras. I'm so sad when someone proudly says "I'm a fan of (insert crap here) lulz"

I'm very confused about why people listen to those kind of stuff. I can only think that they are either brainwashed or just stupid, naturally.

You might hear me singing songs from crap bands at times. Hypocrite much? Of course not, douche. With me singing it, it's better.

Bands can suck for many reasons. Here, let me tell you some of it.

1. Unoriginal.
Songs about love? About war? About peace? Whining about life? Whining about anything? About grinding and bumping and getting laid because I showed my blingz and my grillz in ma Escalade? Omg! these bands/artistes will surely rawk lawl. I've never heard such well written lyrics.

*sigh* Every song is about love or in the 'hip-hop" genre, girls, clubs, money, nowadays. But the 'in' thing to do now is sing about politics and have a stab at Bush. People sure love that. Right...

Examples of bands and artistes: Green Day or anyone that sings about politics basically.

2. Emo, whiny songs.

"Crawling in my skin! >=(
This wounds, they will not heal-o! >=(
Fear is how I fall! >=(
Confusing what is reol!" >=(

I can so relate to that. =(

(That's because you're a pathetic emo)

"How could this happen to me? =(
I've made my mistake. =(
Got nowhere to run. =(
Life goes on as I'm fading away. =(
I'm sick of this life. =(
I just wanna scream! =(
How could this happen to me? ='(

I can so relate to that. =(

(Every weak whiny teenager can.)

Example of bands or artistes: Linkin Park, Simple Plan, any bands that come up when you search for "emo bands" on Google.

3. Image.
Specifically talking about My Chemical Romance. What a plague. Because of them, you can see kids everywhere are now goths. This breaks my heart.

4. The ability to produce an album consisting of only 1 song repeated 12 times.

Examples of bands or artistes: Nickelback, Daughtry, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, or anyone talentless.

5. Because I said so.

There are more reasons actually, but suddenly I just got lazy.

So what's a good band you might wonder. Here's my opinion. Wait, I mean fact.

Paramore. Before they were famous though. Now it's just sad when I see 12 year olds with red hair. But still, not as bad as goth. The lyrics are just meh but the beat, the rhythm, their sound in general, are good, surprisingly. First I thought they'd be like others. Glad I was wrong.

Panic at the Disco. I'm talking about Pretty Odd mostly. They sound so much like The Beatles. A Fever You Can't Sweat Out was entertaining. They just can't be classified into a specific genre. That's awesome. If only the people liking them aren't sheeps. =/

30 Seconds To Mars. Only because it's actually hard to do screamo. Leto's good at it without sounding whiny like Chester Bennington does. Leto has pretty eyes too. >_>

The Hush Sounds, Sixpence None The Richer, Mocca, The Cardigans. Adorable vocalist. Soothing jazz like music. Wait a minute, unoriginal! You might say. Not so fast. They are all different in their own way except those two similarities.

Jason Mraz. Wait, most of his song is about love! Calm down you idiot. Look at his lyrics, it's superb. That's how you write songs.

Forgive Durden. When you can sing about Ants. You're good to go.

Gatsbys American Dream. The best band on Earth. And you know everything I say is fact.

I'm so sure you've never heard of the last two. That's why you suck and I'm awesome.

I'm done.
Afan.

Death wish.

2008-05-07T22:24:00.003+08:00

I'm so going to sound like an ass now. People will surely hate me. Definitely. I can't help it. It's the only way. Wait a minute since when do I care about whatever the fuck you think about me?

Lets get to the point now.

I need my dad to die.

Noticed I said need and not want. See? I'm not that much of a dick.

Here's the story. I didn't get it. My university application. Rejected. Rejected? Me? This is where I go fuck it. Fuck them. Fuck education. Fuck certificate. Fuck degree. Fuck future. Fuck you. I don't take rejection well. And I only take it once. Be it rejection of job application or whatever. That's why, yeah, love too. No. No whining. No emo stuff. This is not whining. I didn't use exclamation marks. And if you've noticed. Never.

So anyways, I need him to die and leave his fortune. That's the only way I can think of. He has to die for me to live. He's getting old. Getting sick. Getting weak. I wish he would die peacefully and may Allah bless him. Amin. And if You don't mind. Make it soon. >_>

I don't actually need that much money but it'll damn sure help.

All I have to do now is wait. Gosh, it's going to be the longest wait ever.

I'm done.
Afan.

Joblessness.

2008-05-07T14:24:00.003+08:00

I'm an unemployed actor, director, script writer, singer, songwriter, guitarist, drummer, bassist, and photographer.

Boredom always gets the best out of me. Always.

I am a full time Rockstar though.

I'm done.
Afan.

Indescribably idiotic.

2008-05-06T07:26:00.005+08:00

3 words and a disappointed smiley.

Wow. Just wow. =/

I'm going to talk about this lady. She calls herself Red Mummy/Diva/whatever. Ever heard of her? Please say no. She's a blogger. Somehow, just somehow, she has over 300,000 'Red Divas' which I'm going to assume that they're her fans. *sigh*

I don't know much about her to be honest. All I know is she has managed to spawn so many idiots. I don't know how. Amazing. Seriously though, yeah she's attractive, yeah she's posh, yeah sure she's super obsessed with red. And? That's it. She's nothing special. At all. Which is weird why people gives her so much attention.

Her blog is boring. Which goes like:

*Describes something unimportant, insignificant, etc. Probably about her day, her husband, her son who she calls abang or daughter who she call Gegirl (this makes me cringe a lot) with the typical Malay mixed with English kind of typing that looks really really stupid. Oh, the posts are also very very short. That's a plus I guess.*

*Camwhores*

*Types nothing special*

*Done*

...

I'm just as confused. Why? How? What the fuck? *Facepalm* If those kind of blogs are the ones that has the most fans or readers, the world is seriously coming to and end. Too. Many. Idiots. I'm still shaking my head in disbelief.

I so hope one of the 'divas' will read this. Then I'll get flamed for fucks. It's going to super fun. I can just imagine what they're going to say. "ur jeles!!1!11!!!shift+1=!" "g mati larhsz booduck lololozs" That would just be gold.

I'm going to be honest now. Those people, her fans, are giving her free money. And all she has to do is nothing. *sigh*

I bet she's a Liverpool or M.U. fan too. Which explains a lot. >_> (Random)

People are just indescribably idiotic.

I'm done.
Afan.

Life of Meaning, Life of Happiness

2008-05-06T06:40:00.003+08:00

Which one are you living in?

Those are the only choice by the way. You can't have both. Or you don't even know which life you're living? If that's the case, you're better off dead.

To have a life of happiness, one must be absolutely in the present. What's past is past and never ever look back. One mustn't think about whatever that is coming. One mustn't care. One must take whatever that is given and make the best out of it. To sum it up, the cliched phrase about "living life to the fullest" is how to live a life of happiness.

Not many can have that. It's because most of you humans are just 'programmed', for a lack of better word, to have a life of meaning. You spend all your life trying to find a meaning of your existence. You dwell in the past, not wanting to make the same mistake. And you are obsessed with the future. Trying to find something that makes your life meaningful. Something. Purpose.

Exactly. You can be happy but you don't have a purpose for living. You're just a waste of space. No contribution to anyone even yourself.

You can have a meaningful life. Fulfilling your purpose. Doing what you think you must do. Be it die for someone. Or kill for someone. Or whatever. Either way, you will completely miss out on being happy. You didn't have time for it.

Speaking of which. If you have all the time in the world, do you think you can have both of it? No. Eventually, you'll end up with neither. That will suck.

For me, I have my own way of life.

I live a life of Awesomeness.

I'm done.
Afan.

First smile in 5 years. cue applause

2008-05-05T22:27:00.005+08:00

Here I go again. I look at her and it's always the same thought.

"Hmph. I'm hers you know. Why else do I exist duh? *sigh* Jealous? Pfft. That's just ridiculous. ¬_¬ I'm happy for her. Not. Cause too bad I don't know how to feel happy. Look at that guy. Can't hate him. Nice, good looking, and... that's it I guess. Woah? Really? He has something special I guess. Really special. Right... I doubt it. Well, I all of people should know that life isn't fair. Oh maybe that's why I'm an emotionless jerk now. Wait, nah. No way. A girl made me this way? Impossible. That was almost funny. But seriously? We would've made the perfect couple ever. *fantasizes*"

Yup. Still haven't moved on. It's been like... what? 5 years? *scoffs and smirks* I'm a bloody Rock God. Not a mere pathetic human anymore. I think I'm going to smile now. Genuinely smile. Cause I can't believe I was once an idiot that fell in love.

Fell once, wont be fooled again. Cause honestly, I haven't stopped falling. *cue "Aww" from audience*

I'm done.
Afan.

The Rockstar's Redemption

2008-05-05T22:08:00.002+08:00

Back then, it would've actually hurt. Back then, it would've made me devastated. Back then, I was weak. Back then, I was dumb. Back then, I was... human.

Yes. I wasn't always like this. I had feelings. I was like everyone else.

No. Not anymore. I have ascended to become a being of a higher level.

I am a...

Rock God.

I'm done.
Afan.

Don't worry. I prefer you lying.

2008-05-03T22:32:00.008+08:00

This always happens to me. I love it. If only I was to be able to not know about it. That is why ignorance is bliss. But unfortunately it's just impossible for me to become ignorant.

Seriously. I don't care. The only problem is I know. I know you're lying. I know you're fake. Well, it's going to be something we have in common then. Then another problem will arise, will you be able to accept the fact that I've always been lying to you too? I've always been faking? Most probably not. But why? We're both doing it. But no, I can't. I'll always be in the wrong. Cause I'm the man and you're the girl so it's perfectly fine.

Alright, I admit. I get attach to people rather quickly. Then I stick. I wont let go. Nope. Sorry, there's just no way out.

I never say sorry and mean it. But this time I have to because I'm actually telling you that you'll be sorry and regret ever getting to know me.

From now I'll classify every word out of your lips as a lie until you're lying beneath the dirt and the soil hail as the King of Deceivers and Cheats.

You freaking nosey people are just dying to know who I'm talking about. Like I have previously stated, my blog isn't like any other blog and it wont be just initials and asterisks. Full name will be provided.

But since I'm such a jerk, I'm going to disappoint you and wont reveal any names. Suckers.

I'm done.
Afan.

Better than sex.

2008-05-03T22:04:00.003+08:00

It was Thursday morning. Chelsea vs Liverpool. The aggregate was 1 all. We were playing at home. I know we wont lose. But knowing those scum, I was a bit worried. They might score another Ghost Goal like they did in 05.

Whistle blows. We were absolutely owning. Essien was superb. Makalele was immense. He made Gerrard go invisible. Then it happened. Lampard, out of nothing, slides an awesome pass to Kalou who shot but The Clown saves it. Only for the ball to roll to Drogba who curves it into the net even though the angle was tight. It was just impossible but Drogba did it. "We're in the finals. Finally." We kept on owning and owning until the first half ended. "We're in the finals. Finally."

Second half. From the start I noticed we're not playing like we did in the first. For that Torres scored. Fairly. Surprisingly. "No. Just no. Come on." We tried and tried and tried but we were just unable to do it. But I still believed. Second half ends.

Extra time. "If this goes to penalty..." I didn't want to finish my thought. No. Please. Finally, Scum Hyppia tackled Ballack. Right at the edge of the box. Obvious penalty and I would've felt so fucked up if it wasn't. Lampard steps up. "Oh..." I had doubt in me. He was a superb penalty taker 2 years ago but then lately he misses them a lot. "Alright then. Go for it." Cooly sends The Clown the wrong way. "We're definitely in the finals." I got a bit teary eyed. Chelsea is just one of the rare things that can do that to me.

Second half of extra time. "Hang in there. Just hold on." Pressure was on us actually. If the scum scores again, we'll have to wait another year. Drogba relieves me by scoring another after a cross form Anelka. "I can't believe it. Finally we're in the finals." was written all over Drogba's face. "Finals. Vs Manchester United." is what I was thinking. 3-1. It's just impossible for us to lose it now. Somehow I still feel restless. I must hear the final whistle. While I was wishing and hoping, Babel scores. Cech lost focus for a split second. It's alright. So did I. Pressure came back. "We're almost there. Please."

It felt like forever. Time was somehow slowed down. Finally. The moment. Final whistle. I stared at the players and we were all thinking the same thing. "After all these years. Finally. The Finals. Champion of Champions." It was the best feeling ever. Ever. Well, that maybe because I don't feel much about anything else. Anyways, Moscow, here we come.

I'm done.
Afan.

Awesome One Returns

2008-05-03T21:53:00.003+08:00

What a week. Again I've proven that I'm awesome. Went to KJ from Wednesday and just got back here. I brought a bit of clothes and my guitar. Looking so like a Rockstar whenever I walk around with my guitar. Spent almost everyday just being Awesome and Win. Played Dota and owned. Played the guitar and sounded superb. Played football and was obviously superb. No, I wont get tired of being awesome. The only downside was I somehow lost my facial cleanser and kind of lacked sleep. Still looked damn good. A worn out looking Rockstar is the best looking.

I wont describe the week. That'll make my blog look like others. And to be like others is just so simply uncool.

I'm done.
Afan.

I'll gladly say "Bring it."

2008-04-28T18:15:00.003+08:00

Many have tried. Many have failed. I'm not going to say "You do not want to mess around with me." In fact I'll say "If you want to try and mess around with me. Just bring it."

I never talk big. But if I do, it means I mean it. People have said that I always want to show to others that I'm the biggest, the baddest, the meanest. Seriously, I don't. It's just that the people around me are just weaker. Mostly. So if I talk shit to them, and they talk back, I'll go "What did you say motherfucker? Try and repeat that. I double dare you." And they keep quiet. But then they'll start to talk about me behind my back. And when I find out. They get beat up. Simple as that. If you want to say something, say it to my face. Yeah I'll say what I said above but at least I'll wont straight away and give you a right hook. At least you have the guts to say it to me directly. And I think having guts are cool.

Honestly, I don't try and look for a fight. But if I get into one, I wont back down from it and I wont just talk and talk and talk about it. It's either we go or you back down. If you don't want to back down then get ready. I will not, I repeat, will not settle with words and a discussion and a handshake. For that, people think I'm immature. *sigh* The only immature thing about it is people that talk behind my back and when confronted, gets scared. Isn't that what 13 year old girls do?

Alright I take back about not looking for a fight. There are some people who I just naturally despise. Sometimes for something like how their face looks like. But first I'll just directly say something offensive about their face and something straightforward like "I don't actually like you. =/" Hey, at least I'm honest. So when they think I'm wrong and don't like what I said, well come on. I'll be here.

Okay. Now I'm going to be really really honest. I'm actually craving for a fight. The last 'fight', as people keep on calling it, was with Sufi. But he's a faggot and it wasn't much of a fight. I squashed him. So boring. No fight at all. Last real fight I can remember was with my older brother. He wore my freaking Dockers before I did. I say fuck him and proceeded to kick his ass. It was rather equal but that's just because around 3 others came in to pull us off but they also kind of ganged up cause they were more of a friend to him than me. So it was 3 or 4 against 1. So, yeah.

Basically, I'm bored and I want a someone to fight with.

I want a fight. You want a fight? Bring it. Lets go.

I'm done.
Afan.

Indie, Independent, Underground, Whatever.

2008-04-28T12:04:00.003+08:00

Lets start with Hujan. They suck. Yeah I went there. Seriously they do. The only reason I have heard of them is because all those sheeps who can't stop talking about them like they're the best thing since sliced bread. And to have them shoved down my throat every time something that can produce music is around me is really getting on to me. =/

My eldest brother have told me once that he and his wife have never heard of Hujan. He's so lucky. Seriously, their fans are either sheeps or people with bad taste in music basically. What I mean by sheeps are people who like them cause everybody else does and they think it's cool to like them too. *sigh*

The only reason they're in the mainstream now is they know someone who knows someone who knows someone and on and on and on. Proof of talent doesn't actually matter in the showbiz. I pity those other bands who are actually good to listen to and actually have talent. =/

Alright, I admit. Musically, they sound... unique. Vocally, it's actually a pain to hear him sing. He must have thought that singing like you're stoned is cool. You're not Kurt Cobain. And the lyrics are just stupid. Really really stupid. People have said that "Oh but their lyrics are awesome!" which I simply reply "Yeah, back when I was 5 and I watched kids shows, they absolutely have the same lyrics. Only in English." *sigh*

Seriously now, the only problem is the vocalist. And that makes the whole band sucks. Yeah. Why? Because they haven't kick him out of the band. =/

Meet Uncle Hussain on the other hand. They're good. Musically, vocally, lyrically, everything. Unfortunately, I don't know why exactly but whenever I see them live, the lead singer is always high. Or at least he acts like his high. Fame got to them I suppose. Tragic. =/

If you want me to talk about other bands. Tell me. Simply because my opinions are facts and I'm always right. Always.

I'm done.
Afan.

Far from it.

2008-04-27T22:12:00.003+08:00

Typical.
Normal.
Regular.
Common.
Average.
Ordinary.
Usual.
Indifferent.
Mediocre.
Standard.
Unexceptional.
Unremarkable.
Nothing special.

I am the very opposite of all that.

I'm done.
Afan.

Routine

2008-04-27T19:54:00.005+08:00

I hate being stuck to a routine. Life gets dull. I'm all against dullness. But does no routine equals no life? Nope. Not at all. I think. I believe that you wont have a 'life' if you're dead. That's all.

List of routines I've been unfortunately stuck to:

Birth till 6 years old.

To be quite honest, I don't actually remember much. So I have a good guess that says I didn't actually have a routine. Which is great. I remembered going to kindergarten at age 5 for a while till I decided "Uniforms? Books? Teachers? Fuck this." So I skipped it one day, went back home, got beat up by my dad and they stopped me from going to kindergarten. I'd say good for me and I was awesome since birth it seems.

7 years old till 12 years old.

The second worse part of my life. Had to wake up to go to school. Had to wear the same thing everyday except weekends. Had to study though I didn't. Had to do my homeworks though I didn't. *sigh* So unexciting and boring.

13 years old till 15.

Worse part of my life. School was nothing special. Teachers were awful. So I decided to skip school regularly and purposely get caught sometimes. Thrill seeking at its best. Also started to sneak out at night and other juvenile delinquent stuff. Path to being awesome started here by the looks of it.

16 till 17

Changed school. Great. As long as the routine changes, I couldn't care less. Went to school much earlier because it was quite far. At first went straight to school and slept around 60% of the time when in class. After quite a while, decided to hang out at a stall called "Mak" as in, mom, because the lady there was like our mom, before going into school. Still skipped school regularly. This time, much better because when I skip, I take the LRT and go anywhere I want. Good times.

End of 2007 till February 2008

Finished school, did whatever I wanted. Unfortunately, accidentally, got stuck to a routine which consist of me sleeping through the day and staying up all night either hanging out at Kabeer, playing Dota, or hanging out at Kabeer. That's it. I was like a homeless poor guy. Didn't like that at all.

March 2008 till now

Decided to move back into my parent's house cause mom was urging me to apply to further my studies. Everyday, the only thing that stays the same is my dad will wake me up for Subuh. After that, it's all whatever I wanted to do. Go back home and either have breakfast, go back to sleep, watch a movie on the internet, etcetera etcetera. Occasionally will drive around aimlessly. Only recently started to blog whenever I can. Not daily. This means that I don't have a routine. I feel great. Not restricted and stuff. I have the power over my life... as of now. That's why I'm dreading the fact that I'm getting old and people will want me to have a job. Which will surely throw me into a routine. I wouldn't want that.

I don't want a routine. =/

I'm done.
Afan.

Screwed.

2008-04-27T17:21:00.002+08:00

Or so I thought I was.

*cue flashback effects*

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Going to start with some futsal. Then hang out at Downtown. After that, watch Chelsea own Manchester United. Finally, go home. It'll be great. Almost worth to make me smile.

Quite the contrary unfortunately. Instead of smiling, I was ¬_¬. And I'm not sure what expression is that but yeah. I looked like that.

*flashback in a flashback*

Called Amir last night to confirm everything. Woke up at 5.45 A.M. No, really. Every single day. You know, to pray and all. Decided to not go back to sleep because sister's going to her old school to receive a prize for her straight A's in PMR at 8 A.M. Kept myself busy with my guitar and thought "Maybe I should bring my guitar today." Decided not to bring because I'm going to have my hands full.

In the car, I received Amir's message. Which was sent last night. First ¬_¬. He said everyone's wants to play at night. Alright, no problem. Night it is. Had breakfast at Ili's Kopitiam to kill some time. It was 8 something and I know Net's not even open yet. Came to Net at around 9 and to my surprise Hadi was already in there. He said he was there since 5 in the morning because of the short circuit Net had last night. He was playing Dota to my astonishment.

Hung out until Kevin came. Then everyone started showing up. So I played some Dota and was just winning and winning. I'm awesome. I was starting to get bored after 2 games. So I took a break. Here I thought I really should have brought my guitar. Amir still wasn't there. So I called him. He said we don't have a ball but he's going to try and find one. So I asked to him to come to Net cause I was getting bored. "Dalam sejam aku sampai." It was 3 something. While I was waiting, I was practically inviting everyone to join and play with us. I called Dat too. Just because.

Kevin said we're going to play around 7. Alrighty then. So we waited for Amir. Mind you he said he'll be there in an hour. It was almost 8 then. The Chelsea vs United was starting. So Kevin, Asvin, Mesh, Afiz and I decided to grab a bite while watching the match. Kevin, Asvin and Afiz left and went back inside Net. Only Mesh stayed. I don't mind. But Mesh was kind of a boring guy to watch a football match with.

The first half ended 1 nil. Chelsea 1. I was like the only Chelsea supporter there. So when the goal went in and I cheered, it felt so great. Sucks to be... anyone around there supporting United at that time basically. Went back into Net during the halftime break. And finally, finally, Amir arrived. It was almost 9 by the way.

I said "Amir, don't do this to me again." So I asked him to accompany me for the second half. While watching, we all decided we're obviously not going to play that day.

¬_¬

Good thing Chelsea won. That made me felt a bit better.

Finally, I had to go home. So Amir sent me to make it up to me as he himself stated. Told Amir things that I don't talk about usually with others. He had no choice but to listen I suppose. Heh. And he said we're going to play next week. Hope so.

*end flashback*

And now here I am. Typing this stuff out. It's Sunday today. I am so looking forward to next weekend. But why should I right? I mean, last time it didn't went as well like I expected. It's because things going wrong are what makes me understand life better.

Some things are just not meant to be.

I'm done.
Afan.

Orgasm In Your Ears

2008-04-24T21:18:00.007+08:00

I can play like Alejandro Manzano now. But my guitar is almost 6 years old and it was a cheap Yamaha. So it doesn't sound that great. I still rock though. Alejandro's also awesome. Yup.

List of song that I learned from him:

With You. Originally sang by Chris Brown. But he sounds constipated 90% of the time. Alejandro and I sing it with pure awesomeness that soothes the soul.
Take You There. Originally sang by Sean Kingston. Sean Kingston has got the most annoying voice ever. I can't stand any of his song. But with Alejandro's version, it has to be the song with the most misleading tune. Sounds like a cool acoustic romantic ballad but the lyrics basically says "If you don't like it here maybe I can take you somewhere where kids have guns and you can die anytime." Alejandro took the song, took out Kingston's voice and the original melody and added Win and Awesome.
Sweetest Girl. Originally sang by Wyclef Jean featuring Akon and some others. I got nothing against Wyclef but the chorus (the original version) can get annoying after 10 times listening to it. So it's basically Alejandro making it better. He also added a kickass solo.
Bleeding Love. Originally by Leona Lewis. An emo song actually. Give it to Alejandro and he makes you forget about the emo lyrics. Win and win.
Beautiful Girls. Sean Kingston? No no. Alejandro? Hell yeah. He added Stand By Me for kicks at the end.

You probably don't even know who Alejandro Manzano. Nothing wrong with that. Just like people don't know me much. Things are a lot better like that.

Oh what the heck. Search for Boyce Avenue on Youtube and get ready for orgasm in your ears.

I'm done.
Afan.

I'm so Awesome.

2008-04-23T21:47:00.000+08:00

It was around 2 something in the morning. Manchester United vs Barcelona. Both sucks by the way. I'm a Chelsea fan. So I went to Khulafa with my Chelsea jersey on. When I arrived the game was almost starting, so I stood in front of the giant ass screen for a while. I turned around and I could see people were about to go "What the fuck man! Move bitch!" but before they could I gave my glare that says "Go on. Say something. I dare you. I double dare you motherfuckers. Make my day." Nobody said a thing. Lit my cigarette up and took a seat. So cool. Watched the match and it ended with a goalless draw. Told you both sucked. So I went near the screen and made a disappointed face with a sigh. *Sigh* Poor guys. I'm like the only one feeling not like an idiot for staying up. I got to piss people off. I feel great.

I'm done.
Afan.

Race.

2008-04-23T14:02:00.010+08:00

Racism. It's a big deal if you make it a big deal. Some people are just too sensitive. I make fun of other race. I personally can't stand typical Chinese and Indians. But I also can't stand typical Malays. Racist towards my own race? Yeah. I'm not proud of being a Malay IF I'm associated with those stupid kind of Malays.

Lets start with Chinese though. Seriously, they're loud. Annoyingly loud. And if you're hanging out with a bunch of Chinese, they'll talk mostly in Chinese and makes you feel left out. That's why I wouldn't want to go to China. Ever. Another thing is they don't have a decent sense of style. Go to a mall and look at those Chinese. Married Chinese. Whether it's the husbands or the wives, all they wear is a t-shirt, shorts and either cheap flip flops or shoes. Younger male Chinese are worse though, they all have the same style of hair. The girls in the other hand thinks they're Japanese. You're not. And we're in Malaysia. Chinese sweat a lot. A LOT. Even in an air conditioned room they will sweat. I don't know why. But fix it please. It looks disgusting. Actually, they're disgusting in general. Picking their nose in public. Not washing their dicks and assholes after peeing and crapping. Eew. They eat pigs too. Seriously. Pigs? Come on. They're disgusting. They eat their own shit. Like rabbits. I don't like rabbits too. They never blink. They're horny all their lives. And they eat their own shit. But the thing that makes me cringe so much is their butchering of the English language. Please do not end a sentence with lah, meh, or lor. It's just stupid. Really really stupid. Unfortunately, everyone without a proper education who tries to speak English will like speak like how those Chinese do. Sad. Tragic. =/

But you know what's louder than those Chinese? A group of Indians. God save us please. It's worse because they're loud when it's a group. Individually, they can't do shit. And that's just annoying. Quiet like a bitch. They're louder than Chinese and thinks they own the place. So when you try to ask them to be quiet they think you're being fucking racist. So they pick up their hockey sticks and steel rod and beat you up. If they're in groups that is. If they're alone, they'll keep quiet. But then he's going to steal your brother's bicycle or anything made of steel basically. They'll even steal fruits from the trees in your lawn. Come on. Go rob Giant or Tesco. The fruits are much better there. They don't sweat as much as those Chinese but if they do. Oh my precious God. They get all sticky and shit. And that is so fucking disgusting. E fucking ew. They smell funny too. You know, those Indian fragrance. They have the weirdest sense of style though. Bell-bottoms everything. Jeans, slacks, etc. It's 2008. Stop looking like a fool. And stop making your hair look so greasy. They also speak very bad English. They will speak with extreme grammatical error coupled with their accent. Yeah, that Indian accent. They're drunk 80% of the time you see them too. And that is just so sad. Tragic. =/

Malays. Malays. Malays. They're the worst because well, they think they're the rightful owner of this country and well, it's true. It's like there are 2 people that decides to be your house mate. Yeah it's your house. But seriously, don't be a bitch about it. They think they can be the freaking mafioso or something. They have nothing original about themselves. Except for the mat rempits. Those are all Malay ideas. Yup. Even that isn't actually original. I mean, the way they dress up. They take all they can from other culture and roll it up and what do they get? A fucking messed up style which they think looks cool. Those caps? Stupid. Those super tight jeans with those caps? Stupid. Those caps are actually influenced from those hip-hop artists like 50 cent or something. I don't know. And those super tight jeans are from those punks. They just don't go with each other. See? Originality=none. Malays are also proof that God has a sense of humour. Chinese has their fair skin, Indians have their hot facial structure. Yeah. You know? 'Mancung' nose, beautiful jaw line, superb cheek bones, etc. Those Malays, have none of that. Good thing they don't contribute in the raping of the English language though. Cause they don't really speak it. And if they do. We'll know how it will sound like. Idiotic. And when other race looks at them they'd be all "Damn, look at those Malays. How pathetic. We're gonna take over this country in no time." Worse things is, the Malays have no idea about it. Sad. Tragic. =/

Obviously I'm just stereotyping here. I'm glad I don't fall into any of these categories. So are some of the people I know like Ong Zol Fay, Barath Kumar, Naven, Kevin, Asvin, Mark, Raj, etc. We laugh at each others race according to the stereotyping I did. Cause we know we're not like them. We're not typical. And Malays like me are what people should see. Not typical. Special mention to those Subang and Shah Alam and TTDI and some of those Damansara Malays. They're cool Malays. So not typical. I maybe bias cause most of them are hot. But hey, they're still Malays. But some are just sadly 'destroyed' though. Malays drinking, premarital sex, etc? Yeah this is the 21st century but there's still a hell. Super sad. Super tragic. =/

Oh wait. I've just indirectly implied that Malays are the worst no matter what. Well, whatever. As long as you know what kind of person you are. It doesn't matter even if you're purple.

I'm done.
Afan.

I'm going to say this if I get the chance.

2008-04-22T22:15:00.003+08:00

People have told me that I'm funny. What do you mean I'm funny? Like the way I talk? What? Funny how? What's funny about me? Let me understand this cause you know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fucking amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny? How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny.

Not so funny now eh?

I'm done.
Afan.

I don't do empty blogs.

2008-04-22T06:30:00.002+08:00

*Describes day*

*Upload some pictures*

*Throw in a couple of smileys in it*

*More pictures*

Done.

*le sigh*

I'm done.
Afan.

We don't actually need it.

2008-04-21T21:26:00.005+08:00

Are friends an essential group of people we have to have in our lives? Is it really necessary? Is it a requirement? Some people do think so. Not me. If you're with me then you're with me. Which is a smart choice by the way. If you're not then it sucks to be you.

17 years. 17 freaking years. Logically speaking, I should at least have known over a thousand people. Quite a number. So far, I think there's only less then a hundred people that I can consider 'friends'. That's less than 0.1 percent. I think. I just said that to sound a bit sophisticated. Anyways, where's the other 99.9 percent?

I took time to remember a tiny proportion of that 99.9 percent. To be quite honest I couldn't actually care less about them. I just wanted something to post.

Basically I can divide these 99.9 percent of these people into 2 groups. Friends that I'm not friends wit- wait. Let me rephrase all that. "Acquaintances that I have cut off ties with". That sounds about right. The actual reason is some of these people I didn't even consider as friends in the first place. The other group is "People that have forgotten me. People that I've forgotten. Unimportant and unnoticeable".

Important note. This isn't a typical blog. It's not going to be only initials and asterisks. Real names would be use.

Acquaintances that I have cut off ties with:

I don't really remember the first person for this group cause it's like one day I'm hanging out with a certain individual like 'friends' and stuff. Next day we're not. I just simply threw it away so to speak. Yeah. I do that. Several times too. I don't appreciate friendship too much. Anyways, names, names, names. Ah yes. Lets start with people I grew up with.

Shai: He was my neighbour. Used to hang out with him. One day I said "Kawan pun buat aku macam ni?" He said "Sape kawan kau?" That's actually kind of childish but hey, it's the first thing that made me take think "Fuck friendship". With this, three others decided to follow him. Those sheep were Faiz Syazwan and Mujahid Sadam. *sigh*

Moving on to people that I got to know from school.

Nurul Izzati: Known her for 10 years. Thought we could be like best friends. She didn't want to. Fuck her then. *sigh*

Hafizul: He didn't like me at all. But he never said it while we were hanging out or stuff. Decided to have a fight with me cause he thought I was jealous of him and Izyan. I smack my forehead so hard every time I think back about this. I wasn't jealous you douche. I was simply doing the right thing. *sigh* Subsequently, Iman, Hanif, Azizul, Zulhelmi followed. *sigh*

Aliff Lye: We stole a hundred bucks from an unfortunate girl together. Split it up 50-50. I used up all my money while he tripled it. So I asked a bit from him. He didn't comply. Fuck him then. *sigh*

Hafizuddin: I don't remember what I did but I regret it. *sigh*

Hishamuddin: Only pretended to be friends with him to make him send me to the LRT station everyday while I payed 2 bucks. Cheaper than a cab. One day, I felt that he was getting a bit too close. I didn't even like him. He was loud and annoying. And just like that, fuck him.

I counted 12. Wow. That's actually... not too much. Looks like I don't have anything to worry about. Just 12 out of billions possible? That's why friendship should just be taken lightly. It's nothing special. Fuck it. Fuck friendship.

People that have forgotten me. People that I've forgotten. Unimportant and unnoticeable.

People that I've forgotten, unimportant and unnoticeable are... well... obviously I don't remember cause they're unimportant and wont affect my life anyways. Anyways, I feel obliged to say, even without any actual solid reason, fuck you.

Special mention.

There are people who I thought I have cut off ties or being forgotten by them. But somehow, it's not the case.

Amirul Irfan for example. I was a total jerk to him cause he's a pretty boy and looked soft. But somehow he said he didn't care and what's past is past. I went literally like =O. I have nothing but respect now. Being in RMC helps too. I wouldn't want to mess with a freaking army guy. >_>

Fairuz. After 4 years, I met him at Downtown. He smiled and shook my hand. In my mind I was like "I thought you didn't like me? What the hell. This is so wrong. You didn't like me. I didn't like you too. This is just wrong. Stop messing with my head." Usually I would've looked for a fight simply because he used to not like me. But like Amirul there, he was in RMC. >_>

I have to end this with something that would give an impact and summarization of this post. Simple but meaningful.

Here goes, fuck whoever that is dumb enough to appreciate it, dumbass. Hey, it spelled friends. =O The subtleties are mind boggling.

Fuck Friendship.

I'm done.
Afan.

Being a narcissist is hard.

2008-04-19T03:00:00.003+08:00

Every single even minor and usually unnoticeable things can irk and make me cringe. To fake smiles all the time, to laugh, to look down on, to humiliate, to mock and to scoff at others takes a lot of work.

There are two possible solutions. Everyone, be at the same level as me, be better, be... perfect. Wait. I'm just going to smack my forehead now. Scratch that idea. That's actually impossible. Not the be perfect part if you know what I'm talking about.

Anyways, the other possibility is me, stop being a narcissist and get rid of the 'holier-than-thou' attitude and stoop down to everyone's level.

There should be a long pause here where I think about it.

Done thinking about it. That was the single most hilarious and absurd thing I've ever thought of in my whole entire life which resulted in me smirking. Me? Being like others? Heh.

Ergo, you others shall appreciate me for all the hard work I am doing and not only view me as jerk. Geez. Some people are just so insensitive.

I'm done.
Afan.

This is just a space waster.

2008-04-19T02:47:00.005+08:00

It's 2.42 in the morning. Just watched Leon The Professional and The Boondock Saints. Highly recommend both. The Professional was sweet and all but Saints was what got me thinking. If I have the power to be the judge, jury, and executor, would I want to? Hell freaking yeah. Now, I think I should be given the power to do so. The human population will dramatically drop though. That's a good and a bad thing at the same time.

And just like that, I'm sleepy. Just when I was about to post something awesome. Later.

I'm done.
Afan.

Suddenly I feel like blogging

10 Things I Don't Hate About You, Actually 12, Or iLove For Short

Wander

Queen

Analyzing Afan

Neena Szulikowska

Literally Figuratively

Time/Life

Rembrandts.

Smile

(730) Days of Haylie

Haylie

About Her

Vida

Why?

Ignorance

Where The Lines Overlap

Bye.

Poetic

Click

Best part of believe...

XD

Win

Hire Hire.

Awesome Facts

Perfect.

Truth.

Afan's Hour

A post.

Retaliation.

Monologues of a Moron

End. New.

Cast & Crew

Not as jubilant as hoped.

How's the withdrawal?

Envy/Envied

Poseur

Emotionless, save one. Lustless, save none.

Expostulate. No?

Background Check

Bigot In Jacket

Rooftop, Smoke Rings and Waltz

Women. *Sigh*

I can scream. It hurts. *Cough*

Remain calm and and maintain your pessimism.

The Goddess

Because I'm worth it.

So It Begins.

Suddenly They're Everywhere.

It's just glorified tuition classes.

The One

Worse Than AIDS

They Are Back

A Guy Made Me Vulnerable

Random Reviews

Rich Not Famous. For Now. Yet.

I lost.

Copypasta.

Eternal Fire of The Heart's Desire

Road Trip.

Get a restraining order.

Electrify.

The one that got me. Not.

Another one.

Pinoys are gay.

Buano Sera.

Get it right.

Hate mail.

Shut up.

I'm as innocent as cancer.

Once again they have proven.

Good day.

I'm getting too old for this.

Sad day.

Looks and Lucks

Actual Reason.

Awesome Mom.

Malays scored a point. Wow?

Music.

Death wish.

Women. Sigh

I can scream. It hurts. Cough

First smile in 5 years. cue applause